I haven’t blogged in a long time. I’ve had such a busy year that I’ve let things like my blog slide.
All in all, this year has been a good one. I’ve been lucky this year and hopefully haven’t taken it for granted.
There have been plenty of bumps and a pretty steep learning curve in my life this year. It’s been a year of utter acceptance and I’ve come closer to letting the past go then ever before. I’ve been making peace with the things I can’t do anything about and reminding myself that in the grand scheme of life, I’m good.
While there are still some things that weigh heavily on my mind, each day presents a chance to improve where I can. To let go of what I can and to take pleasure when I can.
I’ve discovered a greater satisfaction and appreciation for those who love me for me. I’ve also tried to ignore the things that those close to me “expect” from me.
In 18 months my youngest will graduate and start college. It’s a bit scary stepping out of the mom roll on an hourly basis. I’m thinking of it as the second half of my life and a sense of freedom after 20 yrs of raising my awesome, wonderful kids.
I love being a mom but sometimes you feel tied down- which is normal.
The lessons for me in 2016 –
I don’t worry about things that I can’t change about myself or other people.
I don’t have to stop feeling what I feel about people and things. My feelings are mine and mine alone and NO ONE can make me feel guilty, sorry, or tell me what I should or need to think.
I learned what GASLIGHTING is and how a few of the people I know have used it toward me.
I’ve also learned how to thwart their attempts to make me CRAZY, make me doubt myself etc…
In the end when others do that to a woman, they do so in order to make them feel better about their own choices in life.
I’ve never been responsible for another’s decisions whether they want to accept that or not.
I’ve seen the old adage that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side and I would be lying if that didn’t make me just a tiny bit happy.
I’m still striving to accept things on face value and not look for some hidden meaning or agenda.
I like myself more and more everyday. Staying positive has a lot to do with choice. I think I’ve left the pity train and only hop on board once in a while.
I’ve been much better at having empathy and sympathy for others who live with regret or who Karma has demanded repayment for their bullshit. She certainly gave it to me for a few years and I don’t envy anyone who is getting her retribution.
I love the fact that I don’t want normal in my world. I don’t want to live a Norman Rockwell kind of life. I’ve seen and know too many people who are faking their way through life because they feel stuck. So I embrace my inner geek, rock chick & everything else that is unique about me.
I fight depression, anxiety & self-worth issues with tools I’ve picked up through friends, family and therapy.
I know that depression led me to be unhealthy, overweight, unfulfilled, always in pain, not taking care of me. I no longer to seek someone’s approval about how I look, what I believe and what I love.
What I look forward to in 2017-
A flurry of re-releases of my books that I’m getting the rights back to as of January 1rst.
Breaking through the writer’s block that has haunted me since 2012.
Continuing to build my business. This has been a tough one, the previous owner left out a whole load of shit concerning how many customers were chased off, who were treated badly and were unappreciated. But the store is slowly gaining a lot of ground and several other book stores around me have closed. The key has been to make it a place people love to come, feel appreciated for their business and make it as friendly and warm as possible.
Waking up and going to bed with an optimistic view of life.
I’ve lost a few friends, one unexpectedly and it was a stark reminder of how short life is and I refuse to live in ways that make me unhappy. I no longer think in terms of things will get better in five or ten years from now. I may not be here then so I do what I love today.
I’m still not sorry for the things and people I love and never will be but I also won’t be taken for granted, taken for advantage of or used to boost someone’s self-esteem. Nor do I look to anyone else to feel those things about myself.
I’ve been others worst nightmare, regret and a reminder of all they don’t have but I’ve also been lucky enough to be someone’s lifeline, friend, mother, daughter & sister.
I’m still learning to think before I speak which has been hard.
I’m still way too impulsive in every aspect of my world and am working on not giving in to those impulses. But when I can’t fight it I usually give in. I guess this is something I will always struggle with but everyday I do my best to rise above.
Spending more time with those I love and respect and those who love me and respect me. Friendship should always be a 2 way street.
I hope to take joy from the things and people around me. I also hope to bring happiness to those same people.
I want to live each day with passion and purpose.
I want to take more walks in the sun. Laugh with friends. Be a shoulder to cry on to those who need it. I want to give to others as much as I can. Not because of how it will look to others but because I really enjoy giving to those who don’t have anything to give back or need help. I’ll never be rich and I don’t care.
Continuing to forgive & forget. I want to always keep in mind that I don’t know the struggles of others even if they’ve made unwise choices. I want to be much less judgemental and understand that people have to learn life lessons all on their own.
I don’t want to make people feel bad. I don’t want to put others down or be filled with anger and hate.
I want to continue to be nice, kind and hopefully understanding. I want my F&F to know and feel my love and appreciation for their place in my life. Whether we talk daily or once a year.
I want to give more hugs and kisses. I want to be there for those who have no one else to talk to. I want to be braver, more confident and try new things.
I hope to bask in the glow of the small things that make me smile. I want to spend Sundays in bed, reading, writing , making love, laughing and talking with the man I adore.
I want more weekend jaunts to explore Michigan, which after speaking to my friends from Florida to Cali, is still the best place to live.
I want to look on the world with hope. I want everyone to find that one person who sets them on fire and loves them without conditions.
I look forward to the coming year and all the surprises that are in store. All the wonders yet to be seen and experience all the raw passion there is to life. I don’t want to leave things unsaid to those I love.
2017 is another opportunity to live life to the fullest. To be happier. To learn things as they come.
I hope 2016 was good to you. That each of you had what you truly deserve in life. That you find the happiness and passion for life. That you don’t live with a glass is half empty or accept the least of…in life.
Wishing you a wonderful, and happy holiday and an even more exciting new year.