Is marriage supposed to last forever?

SO I’m usually asked if I believe in true love. I’ve often gone back and forth with this issue.

I think the real question is are MARRIAGES meant to last forever? That question is much harder to answer. Marriages used to have very little to do with love. They were all about combining familes power and wealth. When the life expectancy wasn’t beyond 50, when women died during childbirth or a husband could catch a cold and die soon after. Generally couples didn’t stay married for what may seem like eons now.

Long lasting marriages happened much later near the 20th century when medicine got better and people began to live longer lives.

It begs the question are you the same person in your twenties than you are in your forties? Rarely so. Then you’re left with the are we growing together or are we growing apart question to answer.

I know way too many people who are very different even advasariel and stay together because that’s what “Society, Religion or what family and friends think.”

They stay for kids, for finances or security. Does it make them smart, faithful or does it make them martyrs and fools? It’s hard to say, worse still is sitting in judgement then you start to take a long hard look at where you are. It’s even harder to turn that critical eye inward and re-examine that part of your life.

We all know that the fairytale ending doesn’t really exist. If it did I’d be out of a writing job. Having said that I do know that REAL LOVE is out there. It takes work, understanding, hope and faith as well as the ability to forgive each other failures. It also takes a good dose of reality. Nothing is ever perfect, feelings do get hurt but in the end will your partner know when you need to be wrapped in thier arms. Will thank you for the little things. Can look you in the eye when they talk to you.

 I know too many people in situations where they think their partner is somehow going to wake up one morning and change. They will finally appreciate them, want to spend time with them, want to actually talk with them. Will listen to what they have to say and put value in it. Will suddenly look at them with adoring eyes and declare undying love.

 We shouldn’t judge those who choose to stay they have their reasons and I’m certainly not smart enough tell someone else what they need to do with their life.

What saddens me is a lot of us don’t get it, if it’s not there it won’t magically re-appear. I think it all has to do with how we grow in adulthood. What we learn through life experience. I think by the time we really know what we really want (Not what we THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WANT) it’s too late. We’ve invested in a relationship and are so insecure or afraid to not settle that we settle all the same.

Do I think that Marriage is supposed to last forever? I think it depends. It depends on your age, depends on the partner you have and depends on what you know you deserve. These questions have gone through my mind for several years now, the older my children have become, the more mature I have become. I’m a different woman than I was twenty years ago. Different in every way there is, but I like who I am now. I’ve made gone through some serious things over the past year, discovered things about myself and have moved into a place where I ‘ve learned how to handle myself and the disappoitments in life.

I’ve gone through and still do have some scary growing pains. But the woman I am now is someone who I’m proud of on most days.

I could tell you if I think Marriage is really supposed to be til death to us part but in the end it’s only my opinion. I also think the answer is different for every person out there and I would never tell someone how to live their life. I don’t live in their shoes and as such can’t give them that kind of advice.

I know there are couples who have been blissful for over 20 years, is it perfect NO- but the good days far outweigh the bad and I totally buy the bliss.

I also know couples who never talk, never touch, never share what they are thinking or feeling.  Who can be in the same room for hours and never utter a word, who breathe a sigh of relief when they know their chosen partner will be gone for a while and they can finally be themselves. Who’ve forgotten what its like to tease and laugh and play.

It’s certainly a pickle and never and an easy thing to answer, but like I said this is why I have my job as an author. Because each and every one of us either male or female longs for BLISS, the understanding and the love from someone who knows you SCARS and all and still comes to bed every night and reaches for your hand. I truly believe that exists in this world, I’m just not sure that many of us have ever really had it and I’m not even sure we are brave enough to grab a hold of that happiness and travel into an unknown world preferring instead to remain with what we know. At least with what we know we are comfortable, we know what to expect and we don’t have to think.

Going into the unknown is frightening like stepping into a giant black abyss that could lead to heaven or hell. We’ve been programmed to take the safe route, don’t upset the apple cart, don’t jump from the highest point. The question to ask then is can you stay sheltered , stay lonely and misunderstood without any regret. When you grow old and are near the end of your life can you say that you were truly happy or will you be wondering what could have been……..

 

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2 Comments

  1. I like the blog site layout . How was it made!? Its rather nice!

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