A Goodread book challenge.

I recently joined Goodreads and one of the groups I joined has issued an August reading challenge. With so much going on in my life I haven’t been able to finish a book in about three months. Writing, editing, homework and family has left me with little time to enjoy my first love.

When I saw the challenge I thought was a better way to make myself put aside a little time to read. I’ve challenged myself to read four books. Half of what I used to read in a slow month. THe cool thing is that there are several categories to choose from so my first choice is to read a book with the color green on the cover, more specifically Peridot ( My birthstone) SO since I will be turning forty..something in a matter of weeks I have chosen to read Hexes and  Hemlines by  Juliet Blackwell.Hexes and Hemlines: A Witchcraft Mystery

I’m not a giant fan of witch stories but I chose this one because its a mystery novel, not a romance. SO wish me luck I’d like to get this read by the end of the weekend 🙂 crossing fingers here……

Never enough time!

everyone has thought it at one point in their life. There’s never enough time. I my case I feel like that on a daily basis. If I devote my time to writing my school work and time spent with my children suffer. I’m pretty good at allocating the use of my time but I still fall short of my goals.

I was finally able to meet with my writing partner VJ to discuss what we are working on. ow that we are delving into our solo stuff while trying to keep “Violet’s” books a priority its been a slow process. Everyday life always manages to stick its nose in and poof the day has ended or a week goes by where you haven’t touched the keyboard. We’re busting but to try to finish up our 6th book for Changeling Press- Nuriel’s Cougar- a series we really enjoy. As usual life , school, kids and family obligations worm their way in and before you know it days, weeks or a month as passed you by. I’m a fairly fast writer but this summer has been a disappointment as far as getting out the books I want to get out.

As it happens I am trying to plan my days out better. Putting aside x amount of time for Violet’s books, time for my solo work and then homework while not neglecting my kids or house work…lol….I have a vacation coming up in August where I will have o homework for a week. I’ll be i the great up north in a rental home and I pray I will actually be able to read a book and finish up A Bite of Justice. Whew I’m tired even thinking about it. Now I just have to carve out some time for exercise…HA…Somethinng I’m not happy about but need to do..

Stress causes Headaches????

after a trip to the hospital for an 8 day headache and a three-day backache , a myriad of tests and several pain meds I was told you’re under way too much stress. Way too much stress what the Hell I have no stress at least none that I can tick off aloud. Then I came home and did an inventory of the things that may really be stressing me out. I came up with what I consider the biggest factors in my life at the moment and really looked at them. While I may not be thinking about these things on a obessive level I realized they are bubbling just beneath the surface. What I discovered about stress is that people are the cause of all of IT!!!!!!!!!! Is it their fault I allow them to stress me out, nope. I take complete control  over how I allow someone to make me feel.

School for instance I have allowed those that are there in order to keep their welfare and don’t take it quite as seriously as I to bother me. Why? I have no responsibility to any of them, nor do I really care if they want to be there or not. I think the biggest part of it is that I allow them to interfere with my work. I haven’t been gung-ho to do my homework or to study as I’ve always done in the past. I then put that same query to other parts of my life and have discovered that I place way to high expectations on those around me. I expect them to care the way I do,to fulfill obligations, to get it together. It’s not their fault its mine! I can’t control someone else’s attitude from my children to my fellow students. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, what I have discovered is the higher my expectations are the deeper the disappointment there is.

How do I solve the problem?  I can’t decide if it would be wonderful or foolish to wash my hands of any expectations. I try to put myself in other shoes, try to understand where they may be coming from but let me confess. Deep down I don’t really give a shit ( Kids not included) EVERYONE has a sob story, a lot are worse than mine,  a lot much less than mine.  MY fellows students performance has no direct baring on me or my life. I’ve learned that being selfish is okay to do. WIth that I mean doing what it is that I NEED to do in order to succeed with all the things in my life. Do I have empathy, absolutely but I’ve heard every excuse under the sun from some of these people. The boo-hoo’s ,the woe is me and I used to not mind listening to it until there came a point when I was talking about certain things and suddenly people didn’t want to hear it, talk about it or discuss it. What sucks is that I don’t want, need or am even asking advice. I only wanted someone to listen. Thank goodness I’ve made a really great friend at school who has become my listener. We’re both in fucked upped positions in our lives right now and maybe that’s why we can talk without there being harsh judgements on either of us. I’ve learned a long time ago you can’t force someone to your opinion. HELL you can rarely get them to understand, too many people think life is in BLACK and WHITE and nothing in between.

SO it takes me back to the headache and backache. The causes behind it ( And it sure as HELL isn’t old age S.M thank you very much!) What needs to be done is have the attitude of I dont’ really care. I need to do what will work for me and make my life work and my life better. I haven’t worked on A Bite of Justice the 3rd Alexander Wolves book in two weeks and for what? There is no answer except that I’ve been expecting unrealistic things that I should know better than to expect from people. I’m setting those expectations aside and doing what it is that I need to do in order to make my life easier, less stressful and more fulfilling. Expectations and disappointments be damned!!!

 

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