Stress causes Headaches????

after a trip to the hospital for an 8 day headache and a three-day backache , a myriad of tests and several pain meds I was told you’re under way too much stress. Way too much stress what the Hell I have no stress at least none that I can tick off aloud. Then I came home and did an inventory of the things that may really be stressing me out. I came up with what I consider the biggest factors in my life at the moment and really looked at them. While I may not be thinking about these things on a obessive level I realized they are bubbling just beneath the surface. What I discovered about stress is that people are the cause of all of IT!!!!!!!!!! Is it their fault I allow them to stress me out, nope. I take complete control  over how I allow someone to make me feel.

School for instance I have allowed those that are there in order to keep their welfare and don’t take it quite as seriously as I to bother me. Why? I have no responsibility to any of them, nor do I really care if they want to be there or not. I think the biggest part of it is that I allow them to interfere with my work. I haven’t been gung-ho to do my homework or to study as I’ve always done in the past. I then put that same query to other parts of my life and have discovered that I place way to high expectations on those around me. I expect them to care the way I do,to fulfill obligations, to get it together. It’s not their fault its mine! I can’t control someone else’s attitude from my children to my fellow students. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, what I have discovered is the higher my expectations are the deeper the disappointment there is.

How do I solve the problem?  I can’t decide if it would be wonderful or foolish to wash my hands of any expectations. I try to put myself in other shoes, try to understand where they may be coming from but let me confess. Deep down I don’t really give a shit ( Kids not included) EVERYONE has a sob story, a lot are worse than mine,  a lot much less than mine.  MY fellows students performance has no direct baring on me or my life. I’ve learned that being selfish is okay to do. WIth that I mean doing what it is that I NEED to do in order to succeed with all the things in my life. Do I have empathy, absolutely but I’ve heard every excuse under the sun from some of these people. The boo-hoo’s ,the woe is me and I used to not mind listening to it until there came a point when I was talking about certain things and suddenly people didn’t want to hear it, talk about it or discuss it. What sucks is that I don’t want, need or am even asking advice. I only wanted someone to listen. Thank goodness I’ve made a really great friend at school who has become my listener. We’re both in fucked upped positions in our lives right now and maybe that’s why we can talk without there being harsh judgements on either of us. I’ve learned a long time ago you can’t force someone to your opinion. HELL you can rarely get them to understand, too many people think life is in BLACK and WHITE and nothing in between.

SO it takes me back to the headache and backache. The causes behind it ( And it sure as HELL isn’t old age S.M thank you very much!) What needs to be done is have the attitude of I dont’ really care. I need to do what will work for me and make my life work and my life better. I haven’t worked on A Bite of Justice the 3rd Alexander Wolves book in two weeks and for what? There is no answer except that I’ve been expecting unrealistic things that I should know better than to expect from people. I’m setting those expectations aside and doing what it is that I need to do in order to make my life easier, less stressful and more fulfilling. Expectations and disappointments be damned!!!



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