Rest and relaxation…Another day of fun.

Today I was able to hang out with some of my oldest and dearest friends. It’s been so nice, being able to get to spend time with them. I’ve known them for 25 yrs+. We had a great Mexican dinner that A cooked for us. Then we spent the late afternoon and evening by the pool. Laughing and joking, just like we did at 16.

It’s so much fun because these people know me better than anyone else. Our high school adventures gave way to one of us getting married and having a child. The rest of our tight group spent the next 10 years experiencing life. We were there when we fell for the guy and when that inevitably crashed and burned. None of us went to college-we couldn’t afford it so we all went to work.

We made our rounds on the bar scene. Threw incredible parties and helped nurse a friend through her divorce. We each took different paths in our lives. My bestie T had her second child with the husband she’s been together with for over 20 yrs. I married in my late twenties. A went to school and a J&K them moved away. K lived in Europe for a few years before settling down in Cali and J to the west coast where she eventually married and started a family.

We are all in different places even today. My T’s kids are adults. My kids are teenagers and J  has 4 young ones. Some of my friends have really wonderful careers, while some of us were stay at home mommies and daddies.

The best part is that even though we are in different spaces when we connect it is like we’re immediately transported back to our teens and 20’s. We laugh until we cry, we remember all the funniest times we shared together. We are a small tight knit group and while other people floated in and out of our world, we have always remained.

There are no parties now. No bad, drunken behavior. We do things like have dinner, go shopping, spend really quality time together. Our political and spiritual opinions are as varied as we are and we can debate things without our feelings getting hurt because no one agrees with you. We sit in awe together sometimes and talk about getting older and how differently we see the world now then we did back in high school and we find ourselves asking the question “Did you ever think we’d get here?”

As diverse as we all are, we still have things in common. No longer worried about boys and the bars, we’ve discovered the other things we love to do. At this point in our lives, we all enjoy the small things. We all keep our lives simple. We enjoy the happy moments, celebrate who  we are and truly appreciate what we’ve been to each other. You need your friends,  friendships forged through time and experiencing the ups and downs together. They are the real meaningful ties that everyone should have. These kind of friends are the ones that stick with you in your darkest hours. They can tell you exactly like it is. And because of your shared history, you can listen to what they say and understand that these are the people who are there no matter what.

We may not agree with the decisions we make and we offer up our opinion but we don’t try and tear each other down. We accept all of who we are. The good, the bad and the really fucking bad. We called each others parents mom and dad. We were immersed in each others families and now we find ourselves the same age as our parents were when we hung out together. The process from teenager, to young adult, into our 30’s and now the second half of 40. We’ve come full circle.

As I sat down to dinner, I realized how awesome it was to still be together. Everyone should have what I have. Not a room full of friends, but a few who are now your family. The importance of friends can’t be underscored enough. It’s been proven that people have strong connections with their friends are happy,healthier and live longer. That spending time away from family and with your friends lowers stress and blood pressure. We don’t waste precious time going to places where we can’t laugh as loud as we want. No champagne and caviar for us. Give us a barbeque and a bonfire, some good home cooked food and sweet desert.

By the time I get home I’m relaxed and lighthearted. I’ve just spent hours laughing and talking and listening to the stories of our misspent youth. We argue and disagree but better still  feel safe in our group. Protected from those who claim to be your new friends but it never is the same as those you’ve grown up with.

I think it’s sad when you fall away from these people in your life. Whatever the reasons really no longer matter. But we all know that these are the people who we can be vulnerable with. We don’t have to pretend to be someone else. We can take off the mom hat, the keeping up with the Jones mentality, we don’t have to appear to be anyone other than who we are.

We don’t sit around trying to prove who is the better parent, who has the better “stuff”, we feel no pressure to be more than who we are. We can’t bullshit each other because you will be called out. My time spent with easily the best people I know is some of the best times. They are real moments of pure enjoyment and freedom. The pressures of life erased.

At this stage of my life, I couldn’t imagine not having my friends. And as we age, we are able to spend even more time together. Experiencing this part of our lives with each other. Do I think what we have is pretty special and kind of unusual, yes I do. Why? Because we are at the point where we don’t have any pretense, we aren’t filled with self doubt. We are safe and secure in each others company. We don’t have to drag our kids around, we don’t act in ways that I’d consider obnoxious and disrespectful. I am who I am.

My DH understands how close I am to my little circle. And he’s fine with it. He’s glad that I get out. He knows I will come home with a smile on my face and some wacky story or another.

Yeah, I’m definitely lucky and grateful for the people I choose to spend my time with. They represent all that can be right in this life and at times like these I remember that I wouldn’t trade my friends for anything in this world…Money, Status, Fame or Fortune aren’t your friends. Those things can’t hold you when  you’re world is falling apart. The superficial things aren’t wanted or needed in order to have fun together, they don’t matter a bit when you’re laughing until you snort.



A Million Miles Away

Retro Movie Review: VALLEY GIRLValley Girl on AllMoviehypercolor archetype of 80s teen fashion, Valley Girl ‘s costumes ...Valley Girl trailer (1983)

Valley Girl. It was one of the first movies that I connected with as a teen. What could be better? A good girl falls for the bad boy. I understood the kids in this movie. I grew up where there were differences in class, in money. As we aged, I remained friends with some and parted ways with others.

A young Nick Cage, as a club kid, who wore dark clothes and colored his hair…YUMMY.  He didn’t give a shit and he exuded sexy, self-confidence. Unlike the Valley pricks of the movie. The polo wearing, collar up, pretty boys who were cocky, conceited and pretty much lying Dicks, who tried to be the tough and push everyone else around. I didn’t like those guys then and I really don’t like them now, because they do NOT grow out of it…ever. They carry that privilege and dumbassery into adulthood. I suppose it’s why I really didn’t date anyone around my age….Quite frankly, guys within a couple of years of me were and remain selfish, narcissistic assholes. who think entirely too much of themselves. So I tended to date either a little younger or a little older. Something about those preppy jocks in the early 80’s has always left a sour taste in my mouth.

But then there were the “Randy’s” The burgeoning punk rockers, the burn out boys, the guys on the “edge” that looking back today, were probably pretty tame. But to a 15 yr old girl they were the bomb.

I remember the drama club taking a play up to MSU and there were several schools from all over Michigan attending. I ended up meeting this boy ,we all called him Sid because he looked so much like the famous punk guitarist of the Sex Pistols. He had his nose pierced, which is no big deal in 2014. But in 1984 it was so different, so fucking cool. He had a lovely black mohawk and pale skin and I was smitten then entire weekend.

It’s these  kinds of bad boys that fuel our love for them as adult women. That little bit of danger and a lot of naughty. That fantasy of doing something out of the norm, against the rules and what polite society deems as normal. I think we’re all attracted to that little bit of bad. It adds a little spice, a little something extra. Safe is so B-O-R-I-N-G. There is no spark, no thrill and no anticipation. Writing a bad boy and reading about them give us s little bits of what we may not have in our life but would so love to.

Everyone is capable of being a little bad. The point is are you comfortable, confident enough to let the bad out? Do you have that kind of passion and curiosity? You’re born with it, you can’t be taught.

I’m a 40ish, mom of 3 high school kids but I could never be content behaving like a stepford mother. The thought makes me shiver. I have nothing against people who are, I mean I don’t have to live their lives so I’m not going to judge them….well ,okay, that’s not quiet true…I sorta make fun of them… a little. I wonder if they live exciting lives. Not fancy parties or exotic vacations. But I wonder if they have boring regular sex or are they totally nympho’s. Would a vibrator send them running from the room…lol.

My money’s on the first one but I bet they think they are of second variety-Of course I’ve talked to people who have 2 go to positions and an occasional , shall we say give an oral exam though they really don’t like it. I know people who think beyond that, everything else is yucky and I actually laugh.

No one can be that uptight without a reason-right? Talk about a cold place to be…

I don’t ever want to be boring. I’d rather appear less like a prim and proper lady and more like a female who likes to have fun.

In the end , I write bad boys because I like bad boys. I like the excitement, the anticipation, the surprise of what will happen next. I like that each day is different and it’s okay that I wear worn denim and tight shirts-HEY nothing’s popping out- and my black converse. I like my tatts and my piercings and I listen to my music louder than my kids do.

That I write Erotic Romance and I’m Damn proud to do so. And if you have the balls to give me one of your icy stares or disgusted eye roll then I won[‘t have any problem giving you the single fingered salute and tell you what I really think about your tight-assed opinions.

Because in the end Julie dumped her “Jock” when she finally woke up and realized she didn’t want to be like the people who lived in the valley. She wanted more and when she chose Randy (the bad boy) she chose more.

And if you’re so inclined here is the soundtrack for Valley Girl- which every 80’s girl should own.

Payola$ – Eyes Of A Stranger

Plimsouls – Million Miles Away   

I Melt With You

Valley Girl – I La La La Love You

Valley Girl – Eaten by the Monster of Love

Bonnie Hayes – Shelley’s Boyfriend

Josie Cotton – Johnny Are You Queer (totally Not PC)

The Flirts – Jukebox (Don’t Put Another Dime) Stereo

“girls like me” :: páll rokk

She Talks in Stereo Gary Myrick and The Figures

Sparks – Angst in My Pants

The Plimsouls – Oldest Story In The World – 1983





Happy Summer Solstice, Last Post Today…I Think….

The Summers Solstice-the longest day of the year. Some believe it marks the beginning of summer. Others mark it as midsummer. It’s a time of celebration of the sun. That great yellow star gives us warmth, light, helps things grow. We get vitamin D from it.

I missed the heat and the sunlight during our very long and harsh winter this year and I was so damn happy when we had the first hot day here in Michigan. I love this time of year and after tomorrow will be able to fully engage and find the joy of the summer and I’m so excited about it.

I’m still waking up early (still on school time) and I hope it will continue-though I refuse to use my alarm. There is nothing better than sitting outside in the sun and breathing in the fresh air and just relaxing. I think we’ve lost the art of just being quiet and enjoying some time with ourselves.

We need that alone time. To think, to dream and to reflect. Some people hate being left alone with their thoughts, but don’t worry, it’s perfectly natural to feel that way sometimes. Especially if there is some kind of inner or outer turmoil in your life. I know I definitely have times where I don’t want to think about certain things but I found if I just let them play out in my head and get it over with it won’t haunt me all the time.

It may be uncomfortable for awhile but it eventually passes. Oh, I can guarantee it will come back again. But somehow, sitting surrounded in my big backyard, in my swing, listening to the woodpecker who comes back to my home every year and watching my dogs Jake and Tanner play in the grass I am able to find a strange kind of peace.

July and August bring me joy. Opening my windows and breathing in the fresh air brings me joy. I loathe turning on the air conditioner but my kids hate the heat. So they get the cold air and I get the bright sun.

We’ve had a lot of rain this month and it’s fit my mood perfectly but now that the month is soon coming to a close and with it some pretty disturbing memories, I’m happy to move pas the angst and regret and ready to live again until next June comes around. Monday the 23rd is the start on my New Year-every year. It’s the month I make resolutions and promises to myself.

I have so much to look forward to and I’m hopeful. 48 hours to go until I start fresh and will again enjoy the sun, the warmth and the possibilities of what my future has to offer.

Happy Birthday JT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John Taylor, Duran DuranJohn Taylor (Duran Duran) JohnDuran Duran Live @ The ACCJohn Taylor (Duran Duran) JohnJohn Taylor (Duran Duran)...♥John Taylor (Duran Duran) John      Happy Birthday John Taylor!

No, I haven’t lost my mind. I was a teenager in the early 80’s. At the height of my hormones changing when I turned on my radio and heard Hungry Like the Wolf. I was immediately hooked and went and bought the album (some of you will remember our beloved vinyl records) the next day.

That turned into a life long love for Duran Duran. There are so many memories attached to this band. I met so many friends, brought together because we listened to them. I met my friend John in 11th grade because he was wearing DD buttons on his jacket in the lunch line.

We had DD themed pajama parties and celebrated the members birthdays. My friends and I slept in a car over night in the dead of winter to get tickets to one of their shows.

My first concert at the age of 15 was DD. My best friend’s dad took us and the next day at school we had no voices because we had screamed so loud the night before.

It was the dawn of MTV…(For those who don’t know- MTV used to play nothing but music videos-not the crap they have on now) Those first DD videos were like mini-movies, shot in exotic locations. They were the end all be all of my youth and started my love for music) The last “Boy band” to play their own instruments. Though I only use the term “boy band” because of the female following they had. Every girl wanted to marry one of them, every boy SECRETLY wanted to be them even if they’d never fess up to it. They were sophisticated for their young age, more mature. They were into art and Andy Warhol, James Bond and that type of life. It was so different from what I was used to in the United States. That kind of life was mysterious and intriguing to a teenager and I wanted nothing more than to move to London when I grew up and marry a proper Englishman. I was fascinated with everything English. They were so different than we were. Even wealthy Americans were and I think still are rougher-maybe because of the history of the country. I’m not sure….but I’m still intrigued by the place and my daughter has caught the bug and talks about moving to London now…lol…Maybe it’s just in our blood.

I’m so damn happy I was too old by the time New Kids on the Block came around and all the others after it. Okay I’ll give it up to Justin Timberlake because he is sooo kool…hot…sweet…let’s face it, he grew up into a fine male and his solo music is fabulous!

We all had our favorites and mine was John. Tall, slim, that square jaw and brown eyes. I’m swooning here just thinking about it. Even today after I’ve grown older I find him just as sexy and as attractive maybe even more.

Everyone had there one perfect, ideal I’d do them/run off with them no matter when or where and for me it’s always been and always will be the original JT.

I will always see DD when they come to town. Always buy their new music. Always watch their videos with the same excitement as I did when I was young. I used to write about meeting them. My first foray into writing love stories I suppose…lol.

I will always feel like I’m transported back to 1984, at Cobo Arena in Detroit, in the upper balcony with Tina by my side, screaming so loud that I lose my voice. JT and the band remind me of the best times in my life, where anything was possible. The realities of the world seemed far away and if we wanted it bad enough, good things would happen as long as we believed.



Inspriration…I sure do love all things male!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris Martin         Jimmy Here                 Via Andrea Boykin Vikings (tv-series) Vikings Promo • Ragnar LothbrokBerserker Game of thrones TV series Khal HD Wallpaperlord of the rings Pictures, Photos & Images

Vikings (tv-series) =VIKINGS=

In case there is any explanation needed, I’ll keep it short- Coldplay, 30 Seconds to Mars, The Originals, Supernatural, Vikings (Oh yes!),Game of Thrones,and Lord of the Rings…I’ll let you discover these beautiful men all on your own…but they are a wonderful source of inspiration and great examples of near perfection.

Music to live by…

I love music. Anyone who knows me will attest to that fact. I’d rather listen to music than watch t.v. I listen when I write. Thank the universe for 30 Seconds to Mars and Shinedown. I’ve found a new one- Coldplay. Now I’ve always liked Coldplay well enough but when I heard the song Magic I was smitten-that and the incredibly hot Chris Martin left  from his snobby wife (not that it ever mattered one way or another) but it made him more attractive. I used to assign songs/music to people in real life.

Don’t do it! I can’t tell you how many great songs/bands I can no longer stand to listen to because the reminders are sometimes(when the mood is just right) I can’t stomach it. The melody, the lyrics. To not over think situations and to take things on face value, not mull over each and every word spoken to me. My therapist calls it growth. I suppose it is. But I know that I’m not special in this fucked-up world we call life. That what I feel isn’t uncommon or even unique. I may deal with it differently now, only because my choices are limited. The old ways didn’t work. Like many before and many after me, i had to hit rock bottom and deal with what was wrong with me. But enough of my story. I bitch and moan on here merely as an outlet for things that are on my mind on any given day and this is my pulpit. I get it out and move…I’ve been on a tear this weekend…and it feels good.

But I digress, back to the music. Music has the power to bring you joy, to make you feel pain, to remind you of things best left in the past. I haven’t been able to listen to Pearl Jam in 25 yrs because of something that happened years ago. Some people say that’s ridiculous and my only answer to that is they have no soul….period….

Others I can’t listen to- Incubus, especially the song “Dig” I can’t go there.- Snow Patrol-forget it…any country music…won’t touch the shit…The SMITHS- ONE of my FAVORITES of the 80’s….ruined forever,,.all of this music gone from my world…and it still pisses me off.

Adele- she has a beautiful voice for sure, but I can’t stomach the whole “I wish nothing but the best for you.”  because I sure as hell don’t or “We could have had it all.”  Yeah, I don’t think so….What I’d really like to do is give her a throat punch….you didn’t misread it….A THROAT PUNCH…

Amazing- Bruno Mars…makes me want to vomit…. Sappy love songs that promise undying forever kind of love-that’s only for the characters in my book.

Allanis Morrisette was really onto something…especially when she said “…and every time I scratch my nails nails down someone else’s back I hope you feel it…” AM I bitter?……..No, I’m just a hell of a lot smarter…

SO when you make the sound track to your life..make it about you and only you- not someone else…you only have one life to lead and it is supposed to be a happy one…take the time to be a little bit selfish and surround yourself with the music that makes you happy and your soul sore high.

I love the teen years…no seriously!!!!!!

Yes you read the headline correct. I have a 17 yr old and 14 yr old twins. When I tell most people they look at me with pity in their eyes and say something like, “Oh you poor thing.” My response is “Oh, you don’t understand I love the fact that they are teenagers.”

At this point they either totally understand what I mean or they look like I’ve grown two heads. To those who get it there needs to be no other explanation. to everyone else I’m happy to.

I no longer have to deal with temper tantrums. The whiny, high pitched screaming and crying, the world is coming to an end because I can’t have my way bratitude.

OH  my teens are good at drama but I get to tell them their drama doesn’t work on me and go whine to someone else. At this point they understand that mom isn’t buying into the b.s. So they rarely try it anymore.

I don’t have to walk on, step on, step over, constantly pick up, constantly remind,  am surrounded by toys both new and broken. It’s not a fight to toss crap that doesn’t work anymore. My house doesn’t resemble a pre-school playroom. I don’t find cars in the bathroom sink, or balls behind the doors and under the couch. I don’t have to hear the screams of “I had it first.” “It’s mine” “You weren’t playing with it.” ” Mom he/she hit me with.” “Mom he/she broke my…” OMG, the freedom when you don’t have to deal with that any longer.

I can go to the bathroom all by myself!!!!!! I don’t have to tick off a check list when we all pile in a vehicle to go somewhere. I was able to get rid of the mom mobile and slip into a sweet Jeep…

If I hear the phrase “I’m bored” I tell them its nice outside, you’ve got your phone have fun and check in later. I no longer have to provide the entertainment. AND it is a BEAUTIFUL thing to have. I’m totally not exaggerating here. I can take off whenever I want, wherever I want, anytime I want and not have to worry about paying a babysitter or being home at a certain time.

And while all of that is fabulous, the best part is that my kids are awesome. They are fun to be around. They are interesting and bright. They love music and art. Sports and trying new things. Each of them is so very different from the other- which is great because I’ve known people who have stepford kids- and they are scary little buggers)

My oldest makes me laugh harder than anyone I know and loves live music as much as I do. He’s also elected himself to be my personal bodyguard and at 6’3″ he likes to think he I need to be protected.(He knows his mom is a bad-ass and doesn’t need anyone’s protection…lol)

My middle son is 6 ft tall at 14. Insane I know and insanely smart. I mean its ridiculous that I produced a genius who will have earned one year of college credit when he graduates high school.

And my daughter a musical prodigy who can play any instrument you give her with a little time. Their life has not been easy. They don’t have the latest and greatest electronics and clothes and whatever crap that people kill themselves to give to their kids. They had to use their xmas and birthday money to buy their own cell phones. I’m not trying to be the bad mom but I do try to instill the fact that they have to earn what they get. That its hard work and effort that will propel you forward in life.

I won’t allow them to be whiny, spoiled, the world revolves around me whimp- asses- you know the type. The ones where mommy and daddy never let them learn from their mistakes. Didn’t tell them NO. Where mom didn’t allow dad to be the man of the house and dad just faded into the back ground. That world where there are no winners or losers. Where parents try to live vicariously through their children those are the worst.

I just want to grab them by the collar and shout “wake up. You don’t get a do-over. Your child hood sucked….get over it.” The fight behind closed doors because apparently they think kids are stupid and don’t realize that they know exactly whats going on and whats being said.

I had someone think it was appalling that I swore in front of my kids. New flash-my kids , your kids know every cuss word in the book. You should hear how they talked after school as small as first grade.

For all my “Fuck Ups.” and the “I can believe you do that in front of your kids” and “I never do that in front of my kids” I laugh now. I have the most well-adjusted, normal kids on the planet. Are they perfect…not by a long shot. But then neither am I. I’m proud of the people they are growing up to be. I may not like everything they do and I’m positive there will be issues in the future-there always are. But I know that we can work through anything.

They will never stop challenging me or seeing how far they can push me and I expect that. Just like I will always call their bluff when they threaten to run away or quit school or all the other things kids their age LOVE to do. It’s a work in progress and I love it. I love this age. I love the talks, I love being goofy. I love it that it drives my 17 yr old crazy that his friends love me and if he gets mouthy they punch him (hehehe…its way too funny) I point is, a lot of people look at the teen years with dread and for a lot of people I suppose it isn’t what they’d hoped it would be. But I think that had more to do with what the expectations of the parents are. It’s not really about how the kids are. When you stifle who a kid really is, when you try to turn them into something they aren’t they will fight you. When you act disappointed because they don’t measure up to your expectations they feel it. And when you’ve coddled them as children you are setting them up for failure. Because in the real world people don’t care if things are fair…let’s face most of the time the world ISN’T fair. Most of the time things DO NOT go YOUR way. And if you don’t teach your kids to adapt to different situations then be prepared for them to live with you or for you to bail them out until the day you die!

Enjoy your teenagers, every goofy, laughable, tear-filled, drama inspired moment. Give them room to breath, to express who they are, to fulfill their dreams-NOT YOURS, don’t expect them to know the answers, let them make mistakes and don’t make everything alright. They have to learn on their own sometimes. My oldest son is reaping what he has sown from some bad choices he made over the past year. I’m not standing over him saying I told you so. My only question has been “What have you learned from this?” Of course you know I had a huge smile on my face when he said “I should listen to you.” Now I ask you, what more could a mother ask for?

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