Writing about Love and Sex Part 2

Do soul mates really exist or is it just between the pages of a book? Soul mates, I think most people have thought about it at one time or another. Wondering if there is such a thing as someone who accepts, understands and knows you so well that it’s almost like magic.
Soul mates-Where you can tell exactly what your mate is thinking or if you can’t, you at least know there is something going on with them. Someone who when you met for the very first time you felt as if you’ve known them your whole life. A person who you can be totally honest with. Where you can tell them any and everything.
Where your heart skips a beat the second they walk through the door. Is it possible to look into your partner’s eyes and see all the love and joy reflected back at you? Where the slightest touch makes you tremble no matter how long you’ve been together.
The kind of person that when you make love you are in total sync. Where they instinctively know where and how to touch you and when they only want to give you pleasure they will ask you without embarrassment from either of you. The type of person who can make you laugh, love and maybe make you angrier than anyone else.
Do all these things mean they’re your soul mate, does it go beyond just loving them? It’s an interesting question to ponder.
When I write, labeling a couple as soul mates is pretty simple. Paranormal books are ripe with the idea of a perfect mate. The one and only, end all, be all. Werewolf’s and shifters usually discover their love interest this way. Done well it makes you long for that kind of feeling and intimacy.
I look at the question of soul mates this way. In books at least one half of the couple know they are destined to be together. Often described as an overwhelming need to be with that person. They don’t feel quite right whenever their mate is gone. Even before the words I love you enter the picture, the feelings are so intense, so unlike anything they’ve ever experienced before. They can’t fight it for long, they can’t explain it away. Sometimes it doesn’t even make sense, because one or both of the mated couple wouldn’t necessarily ever cross paths. But then they have a “meant to be scenario”.
It works in books because real life doesn’t get in the way. In real life people come together for a lot of reasons and love doesn’t necessarily play a major role. They may appear to fight it, they may try to deny it but deep down they know it’s true and it’s just a matter of time before they embrace it.
So the question remains-do I believe there is such a thing as a soul mate? Could I write about it if I didn’t believe it?  We’ve all known couples who have the things I described above and yet are no longer together. If they were indeed soul mates then why aren’t they still together? Does it mean if you experienced all that wonderful stuff with one person, will you find it with another?
Personally I think you can. I mean how fucking unfair would it be if you only got one shot at that kind of relationship and know that you will never have it again. It’s a pretty depressing thought. Is it really possible that with the billions of people on the planet that you are truly meant for one person and one person only? Is the idea of a soul mate nothing more than a highly romanticized ideal? A goal which can never be reached. Is it too ridiculous to really believe your are met for one particular person and that any other relationship will never rise to that level.


I do believe that you can have a crazy instant connection when you meet someone for the first time. That in that second when you’re face to face for the first time something magical happens. A real chemical reaction that sets every nerve ending on fire. It goes beyond sexual attraction. It’s a feeling of both excitement and coming home all wrapped into one. A certainty that nothing will ever be the same again.  It’s feeling instantly comfortable and knowing without a doubt that you can trust this person with anything you say or do because they will hoard all that you share, all that you mean to them. They would never intentionally harm you or cause you pain. Your pain becomes their pain. Your sadness becomes their sadness, and your joy and pleasure and dreams become theirs as well. And you do the same for them without thinking about it or questioning it.
Having said all that my answer to the question of whether I believe soul mates is a real or not is that I can honestly say anything is possible. Depending where we’re at in our lives, we may go back and forth on this issue. I generally side on the positive but in this area I just don’t know. My life experiences haven’t lent themselves to dream too much about the question. If you’ve ever been hurt, or betrayed to the point that it feels like a crushing blow it becomes almost impossible to be so optimistic.
Still the possibility is there and so I’m able to write about couples who are soul mates. The characters don’t have to think about whether or not they believe it because at the end of the story they always come to know it’s true. In books they vacillate between belief and non-belief but before the end they have come together and acknowledged they indeed have always known they were meant to be with their partner and there is no doubt about it.
When all is said and done, my personal belief about this question is irrelevant, because as I am writing the book about 2 people falling in love. I believe no matter how brief a time, soul mates can exist and they always have. When I write a romance there is one (or 3 in the case of ménage) soul mates. I love writing about this aspect of falling in love with someone. I want it to be believable, I want to give readers the hope that maybe it could happen to them or they may realize they already have it but had never put a label on it.
Do I believe soul mates really exist? If I’m being completely honest than I would answer YES. And in the world of the romance writer and reader it’s important to have faith that anything is possible within the realm of love. That everything we see, hear and experience, hopefully will help us grow and recognize when those “Soul Mates” enter our lives.


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