Writing about Love and sex part 3

Sex, S-E-X, there are so many names for one of the greatest things in life. And I get to write about it. What used to be taboo has now become mainstream. No more hiding under the covers reading The Story of O or The Happy Hooker. Beyond the awful and male dominated Penthouse Forums. Women all over the world are able to write any kind of story they choose.

From raunchy to loving. From nothing but sex, sex, sex to plot driven love stories. When we write 3somes its with two men-because that is our fantasy. We get to explore things we may never have considered doing. Things, that we were raised into thinking were perverted or twisted. Writing and reading erotic romance lets women indulge in the “forbidden”

Writers come from all walks of life. I know many and their day jobs vary from stay at home mommy’s, to lawyers and teachers. We are all different ages from our early 20’s through our 70’s. I have an awesome career because I get to celebrate  a woman’s sexuality.

Since the garden of Eden and the insane idea of ” original Sin” women were cast into the role of virgin or whore. Only the whore liked sex, enjoyed how it made them feel and wanted to be pleased in bed. The good girl had sex as part of her wifely duties. To procreate. She never understood that sex feels so damn good for a reason. If we weren’t meant to enjoy it we wouldn’t have been given the ability to orgasm and to orgasm in more than one way!

Men have always had it easy. They find a hole and fill it. No finesse was necessary. They got off, spread their seed and they’d completed their job.

But times have changed. Women are in touch with their bodies. We do know how we liked to be touched. We want to climax. We can have just as strong a sex drive as any man. We are sensual creatures made to give and made to feel pleasure. Some think that denying yourself this pleasure is how you should live you life. Some women aren’t equipped to deal with embracing their sexuality. Usually they’ve been raised in a conservative, religious household where liking sex as a female meant you were a whore, or that something was wrong with you.

IN this day and age there are still women who believe this and they raise their daughters with the same mind-set. I find it incredibly sad because they will never really enjoy that part of themselves. May even hate it and only have it as an obligation to their partner.

But women are fighting that kind of upbringing and discovering sides of themselves they didn’t think existed. It’s a beautiful thing. As women we can be very catty, selfish, jealous and really judgemental. We often fail to support other women and sometimes fall into the trap and try to compete with them. For jobs, for attention, for men.

We are so unique and have so many gifts to offer. We have a high tolerance for pain, we are emotionally tough, and we feel it deeper when we are hurt or in love.

The number 1 question I get asked as an author is “Are your books based on your life?” I kind of laugh a little when I get this question. It’s natural I suppose but I’m not telling. It adds to the mystique of being an erotic romance author. There are many who made some huge assumptions without the facts. It’s sad because there are a lot of judgments as well. Again people assume they know who you are. Impossible, I’m not what I write, at least that’s not all I am. As for how much of my experience goes into the books it’s no ones business.  There are also the unfortunate judgements when people read what they may not be familiar with. All I say is don’t judge what you don’t know. What something may sound like may feel entirely different.

These stories are fantasy’s for the most part. An idealized version of feelings, and acts. The stories are meant to entertain and tease. They certainly ARE NOT meant as a how to for anyone-male or female. Doing something you aren’t comfortable with will always result in disaster. What’s so great about the genre is the variety of sex and sexual situations. They are as varied as the characters and run along every walk of life where sex isn’t some dirty little secret you do only on the weekends with the lights off.

Another question I’ve been asked is do I find it hard to write sex scenes? I generally don’t. About the only thing I concern myself with is 1) IS what I write physically possible? Are body parts in the right places. Are they moving the way that people move. Writers want readers to be able to see what is happening in their head.

2) is it fun, exciting, does it portray sex in a positive light. I always hope to be sensual, titillating, playful, emotional and of course as hot as possible.

Writing the sex is the easy part for me. It’s a natural part of this life and an extension of who I am as a woman. I’m happy to say that and I embrace that. I want women to celebrate their sexuality for the gift that it is.

Let’s be real who doesn’t want to experience something so intense that at the end you are left shaking and trying to catch your breath, unable to move, ready to cry from the sheer overwhelming pleasure  because you’ve been given several orgasms in a row and you just know you’ve died and gone to heaven. Is it possible? Oh yeah…

I love writing what I write. I love creating stories, characters and love scenes that can make you go oh….or at least make the temperature in the room shoot up several degrees. Most of all I want readers to believe (if only for a little while) that there is such a thing as true love and incredible sex. The raw, primal, emotionally devastating, all-consuming, mind-blowing, perfect, sex.

It maybe rare in real life, but between the pages of an Erotic Romance everyone gets off and it’s always good. And women are at the center of the sexual journey and exulted as the wonderful creatures that we are.

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