Back to school- What am I going to do?

Next week the kids go back to school and time to myself has come back around. While most parents heave a sigh of relief, I’m actually not looking forward to it. The bickering at 6 in the morning. Bathroom fights ( I only have one.) The complaining because someone is always late. Granted, it only ends when I drop them off to school. The good part is that I only have to drop off at the high school this year. It’s going to be a big change for my twins, it’s their freshman year. Naturally I worry for them, especially my son. He just turned 14 a couple of months ago and he’s already 6 feet tall. People tend to try and treat him like an eighteen yr old and are always shocked when I have to tell them he’s only 14 and thus acts like a 14 yr old.

Homework drama, testing out of classes drama, marching band, acting…etc…you get the picture. I will have plenty to do after 4:00 p.m. It’s the begining of my day that I have to worry about!

I’ve picked up the habit of planning out everything I do on a given day. It’s written down the night before and all I have to do is look at the list and start knocking off the stuff on it. It was suggested to me by someone who has been helping me to get my shit together. My house is almost always clean and doing the chores in the morning take no more than an hour. I’m pretty much done with everything by 8:30. I do work out so that kills another hour.

All of those are the easy things to accomplish. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I haven’t finished a story 10 months. It’s beyond frustrating for me. I’ve scoured blogs and articles, hoping to find that perfect nugget of advice that will free up my cluttered mind. My list, my chores and my exercise are the things I can do without thinking about it.

Of course when you sit down to write, you have to think. You have to build worlds and relationships with those worlds. Make it entertaining and romantic. That’s when everything takes a shit. Sitting in front of my laptop, files open and fingers on the keys and nothing…nada…zilch. As an author, trying to recover your voice can sometimes be a daunting task. But there are some helpful things I’ve read that may help me on my journey.

Anne Rice and several other popular authors most commen say to write. Write, write, write. Even if it’s shit, write. Even of you don’t believe the story, you continue to write. Saying it and doing it are two totally different animals. I tell myself everyday that I’m going to write. “I’ll treat it like a job or I promise to write for five hours straight.” And you all know that if you’re writing an especially difficult romance it’s draining on you physically and mentally.

I’ve found a couple of solutions that I hope will push me over the hump.

1. Write, write and write even more. I will be okay if it’s shit- that’s what editing is for.

2. I really want to take part in the NaNo writing challenge later in the year. 50,000 words in 30 days. This gives me a specific goal I can wrap my head around.

3. Writing sprints. Instead of major writing marathons are no longer going to be how I approach writing. Short 45 minute sprints that will allow me to walk away from a story after a sprint. I can do what ever needs to be done and then come back. Either to the same story or another one that needs to be finished.

The truth is that because I couldn’t find the words to put in my Word Program and would totally give up. When I look at my word count and see one hundred or less, I end up feeling like a loser. I think to myself that I’ve given everything I am to people and it’s still not enough. I’ve allowed negative thoughts and conversations color my view when it comes to writing. I’m so tired of being in that dark place that we all try to hold at bay. I’m tired of renting out that space in my head to things out of my control. I’ve lost out on a lot of money and I’m not about to end up there again.

But I’m more than capable of writing for 45 minutes at a time and laying down 1500-2000 words in that short amount of time. My hope is to truly get it all back together and keep forcing myself to push through to discover what it was about writing that made me so happy.

At this stage of the game, I’m just done with the drama, the fighting and the self-pit , all of these things can interfere wit your words. I’m hoping that I get some kind of  relief.

I have  the plan now it’s time to see if it makes a difference.

 

 

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