Owning your own business

I had started a different post a couple of days ago and actually fell asleep while writing it. Funny isn’t it? Working every single day has been a real wake up call to take really good care of myself. So now I fall asleep around 9 and wake up at 5:30. I haven’t watched T.V. in so long that I’m not sure if I will ever catch up. But it’s worth it. Every single moment I spend at work or doing paperwork and in between writing is worth the exhaustion.

My moods have been better than I ever remember being. I have a real purpose and NO ONE can take that from me. I have support from family and friends. So while i may miss out on some things, I don’t feel cheated because I’m fulfilled.

There is nothing like being your own boss. I’m only accountable to me and my success or failure is largely up to me and what I do with the business. It’s given me the kind of freedom I never dreamed I’d have. I’m busy every moment at the store and when I get home, I am busy until I fall into bed.

I’m so fucking lucky, and I know that everything I’ve ever been through in my life has led me to this moment. The best part is that I don’t have the need to prove I’m worthy of what I’ve been given. My self-worth is no longer predicated on how other people see or feel about me. In the past, I’ve allowed others to define who I am. I’ve reacted to things that have given me hell with more hell. I’ve been obsessed in the past to visit my pain others have given me back to them with more venom than even I knew I was capable of.  I’m so much better than that and I’ve acted accordingly this year. I’m holding to my promise to only allow the positivity and letting go of all the bullshit.

I’ve been tested on more than one occasion but I’ve moved past it. Focusing only on the good things and I’ve been lucky that it’s been almost all good. The times when I’ve encountered the same ole B.S, I’ve learned to blow it off. Let it go over my head and move on. I used to envy people who did this, wanting nothing more than to have the ability to let it go (and no I didn’t mean to reference Frozen. I’m one of those people who couldn’t stand the movie or the music)

I’ll never be all about sunshine and rainbows. I’ll never be fake, polite and soft-spoken. I’ll never be submissive or docile. Things I thought I’d have to be to get what I want.

I’ve reached the point where I enjoy people and places again. Where I smile all the time and laugh. I now believe that life is worth it. That the bad will go away. That I can handle the bullshit in life with a shake of my head and looking ahead.

MY mantra has been for every action there is an equal reaction and I’ve seen it work in my life. Most of us don’t realize this. Something happens, we either act or react in some pretty bad ways. What you do to others always comes back to you, tenfold. The laws of nature are never denied no matter how much time passes.

But I’ve discovered is that wishing others burn in a hell of their own making is just wasted energy. Instead I wish everyone well. Do I do this for them? Nope, I do it for me. I do it so that I don’t harbor bad feelings that used to consume me. I appreciate every single day with no pressure to be something I’m not or to be that perfect kind of person that really doesn’t exist. Learning these things sucked, and sucked bad but I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t gone through what I did. If I hadn’t learned what was really important in my life.

People who are consumed by the little things, by the need to conform into the perfect life are rarely satisfied. Constantly chasing perfection leaves you tired because the truth is that nothing is ever as it appears. I’ve seen it and lived it and I choose to no longer want my life to be a series of empty gestures or an excuse to not deal with things.

I’m no longer empty because I no longer push the negative down. I feel it and let it go. I allow myself to do that because there is no way that people are happy all the time. In fact I would be a little suspect of those who act like everything is wonderful every moment of their day. I’ve learned to feel empathy without feeling sorry. Everyone has a journey to go through and everyone has to pay for what they’ve done. It’s up to me to make sure that I’m not out trying to hurt others, trying to be a destructive force or being preachy about life.

No pretending, no wishing, no waiting for things to change or get better. I don’t ever want to repeat my old patterns and my old way of thinking. I only want to continue having what’s turning out to be a wonderful life. I’ll never be rich, hell I probably won’t ever move out of my tiny house and tiny town but that’s okay because I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I wish that everyone could feel this kind of happiness. My contentment is based on me and no one else.

May you all find that in yourself because that is when you can be a impactful person in the world. You only live once and waiting for things to get better or excepting that you’re stuck where you are, is a terrible way to live.



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