Fat Shaming and Others Way We as Women Behave Badly!!!

When it comes to self-sabotage, self-destruction and a lost sense of self-worth, women have become experts at it. In all areas of our lives we are set up for competition against one another.

Oh, you can think – not me – all you want but it’s true regardless of your protests. It’s insidious. Creeping into part or even all of our lives and it happens to us all.

Fat Shaming – Until Twiggy became an over night sensation in the 60’s, women didn’t have the same body issues we struggle with today. Look at photos from past decades. Women came in all shapes and sizes. Curves were preferred over a stick figure and flat belly’s. Hips, ass, breasts and thighs were celebrated. Those women didn’t stuff themselves into body forming Lycra on a daily basis. Being surrounded by T.V, and the internet, it’s become easy to shame a woman for how she looks. Everyone is brave sitting anonymously behind a computer screen and spitting their hated filled bullshit on others. We’ve all been guilty of it and it’s up to us to stop it. If we refuse to comment, watch or engage in shaming a women’s body then we show that it’s not acceptable. A strong healthy body can indeed have generous curves. A women who’s just given birth should never be made to feel badly if they don’t drop the post baby weight. Being obsessed with Hollywood has become ridiculous. Just look up celebrities without make-up. Guess what they look just like us. So stop comparing yourself to some ideal that isn’t going to happen. Focus on the best of you. Your eyes, your skin whatever your most proud of. Learning to love the skin we’re in is hard but so worth it.

Men – You would think after millennia women would stop fighting for the attention of a man. I’ve been just as guilty of this as the next female and it certainly wasn’t a period of time to be proud of.  First No Lover is worth tearing you up inside and turning you into a freaking maniac. Most men have this uncanny ability to move on without a second thought. I attribute to the fact that I don’t think really understand how their actions affect us.

Yet we will fight tooth and nail to get him back. We know without a doubt that one day they will wake up and they’ll be sorry for what they’ve done. Sorry ladies it doesn’t happen or if it does you’ll never know. Yet we blame each other for what boys do. It’s easier to think of another female as evil and a bitch instead of turning a critical eye to the man you may be fighting for. I don’t think men ever realize why we do what we do, why we compete or why we hold onto shit.

So it’s up to us to put a stop to such debilitating behavior. It may be hard because of how we were raised or how hard it is to just give up on someone. It’s in our nature to love and love completely without regard to ourselves.

There are some universal truths and it doesn’t matter how long you deny them, it doesn’t change the fact they are real.

If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you. Oh we all think that he won’t do that to us. That we are better than what they had and because we may offer him what he isn’t getting, he won’t stray. It may be true but should you really be that surprised if he hooks up with someone else, especially knowing how you and he got together. We justify it. We tell ourselves that our relationship is different. But really people and emotions aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be.

That leaves me with the next thing. If you’re checking his mail, his phone or whatever then you must be worried. And if so what does that really say about your relationship. It’s not fair to either of you so you should either stop or let it go. Who wants to spend the rest of their life spying or checking up on your partner. Before you give yourself completely to someone make sure you trust them completely and without a second thought. You can’t stop anyone from doing what they’re going to do and in the mean time it will eat you alive.

And if he does cheat- stop blaming the other woman. He’s the one who made a commitment to you not her. She doesn’t have any special powers, a magic vagina or is somehow a saint. Men don’t think that way. They like who they like. They want what they want. They do what feels good to do. If you think that you are somehow going to change who they are then you’re either stupidly naive, or living in fantasy land. We’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another but in the end is another person really worth it.

I’m not bashing men here. Because I accept men for who they are. What has changed is any expectation I have placed on them. Evolution has not really changed them over time. The hunter gatherer in them will never be snuffed out. What I’m saying is that we as women place unrealistic expectations on them emotionally and it’s unfair to them and us. Do you really want to live the rest of your life worrying and waiting for them to fuck something up? Or are you going to live your life.

Misery loves company- We tend to surround ourselves with people who are more emotionally fuck up then we are. I call them the negative nancy brigade. In order to make themselves feel better they love to tell you how shitty you are, how much you suck etc…It’s an easy way for them to forget about how miserable they are. We’ve become experts at having frenemies. Frankly because it’s easy to know someone feels worse than you do about life and in comparison you’re okay.

Ladies, we have to stop doing this to ourselves and those who are around us. Competing, punishing, tearing each other apart because someone has what you want, it can snuff out the best part of you and in reality you have no one to blame but yourselves.

I’ve been there and I’ve done everything above, to my determent. Life is way too short to live with any of these issues. What you need to adopt is love for yourself, belief in who you are, stop trying to tear another female apart, stop competing for attention and love. Be strong and proud without shoving it in anyone elses face. Be a true friend, even to those who’ve hurt you. Live your life so that when you go to bed at night you have a smile on your face and when you wake up you look forward to what the day will bring.

I’m not perfect and from time to time I still fall into some of the traps I’d put myself into but never ever forget you are worthy, you are important if to no one else then to yourself. If you wouldn’t allow your child to be treated a certain way why would you then treat someone else that way or allow yourself to be treated that way.

It’s so much more important to love you as you are. That no one can take the place of you. That you don’t need to change anyone and that who you are isn’t defined by what you have, who you’re with or what you possess.

Celebrating another beautiful sun filled day here in Michigan.


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