Sometimes it’s just one of those days.

8-10 hour work days, seven days a week does funny things to a person. I’m not complaining because I love being my own boss. Even though I’m sacrificing time with my kids, they’ve been good about it. They understand that mom is doing something important and trying to make the future better for all of us.

I know what’s happening is a combination of being tired and P.M.S. Yep the mother of all combinations that used to turn me into a raging bitch. I’ve been much better where the latter is concerned. Then comes a day like today and all I want to do is talk to my friend. A person who I no longer call friend but every once in a while on days like today, I want nothing more than to hear their voice. Have a conversation full of laughter and support. It’s odd when people are not in your life, what you actually miss about them. I know what I do and sometimes fighting off any languishing feelings of regret is just tiring.

Moving onward and upward is a part of life. You know when one door closes another one opens and that is so true where my life has gone so far this year. I don’t want to be at war with myself over what I think and feel. The answer for me is not to pretend.

So, I’m just saying it. I miss my friend. The friend I had before the implosion of the friendship. Before the bad words, bad deeds, before the anger, disgust, and all the other things people can’t take back. All the things people can do to each other to hurt the other. To become the very thing you aren’t. In the end, it is what it is and like the day before, I will wake up and start over again, and hopefully won’t have the desire to hear their laughter once more.

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