Burning Bridges

Burning bridges down to the ground can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. I’m NOT talking about ex’s. Concerning that one you don’t need to burn them- you need to completely and utterly destroy them by any means necessary. As much as it may suck, it will get better. The sting will disappear and life will continue to move on. No matter how much it hurts now, with time and distraction, you’ll wake up one day and poof…it’s all gone.

The bridges I’m talking about are the ones with family and friends.

Unless you’ve come from an abusive home burning bridges with your family is usually a huge mistake. Your family generally accepts you for who you are, even if they disagree with your choices. Even if they are sometimes critical of you. In the end its your family that will be there for you. Breaking these relationships takes a toll on your heart and soul. When you come to understand that people are who they are, your tolerance rises. Remember these are the people who were there when you needed them. Who’ve come to your aid, been there to listen. Any issues they have with you comes from love and concern, not hate. As human’s we can be terribly bad at communicating about how we are feeling. Generations differ on how they take you. Give them a break.

Maya Angelou had a great saying. You did the best you knew how and when you know better you do better. It’s quite simple but gets the point across. It’s those who fall into the same patterns that are doomed to repeat their mistakes. Don’t burn your bridges unless you are sure that you won’t change your mind. You won’t feel guilt or think about them in the quiet moments.

Friends are a trickier proposition. I believe that people who give up life long friends do it for other reasons than really wanting to. Your significant other doesn’t like them or is jealous of them.  Your significant other doesn’t trust you and therefore isn’t going to trust anyone you know. If they really love you they won’t try to control you to the point where you have to break off with your friends. We all go through bullshit in our lives and my friends have been there for me when no one else was. Deciding to burn those bridges can sometimes be more difficult than with family.

The memories you’ve shared, the good times you’ve had. They have made a part of who you are. When I’ve had to burn bridges, it’s very difficult to repair them. Generally your trust is blown all to hell, you don’t want to think about stuff that pissed you off or hurt you. You don’t want every word or deed you’ve ever spoken or done to be thrown into your face. And forgive and forget has to be just that. Forgiving and forgetting, not to be brought up when you’re unhappy or in a bad mood.

Relationships shouldn’t be complicated. We should never have to walk on egg shells around someone else or be something we are not. We should never feel as though we aren’t quite good enough or that we have nothing to offer this world. We should never need approval for merely being who we really are. This is where it can get a little sticky with friends and where do you draw the line in the sand and say no more.

Learning to find peace with who you really are goes a long way in finding tolerance in others. Let’s face it, some men are just assholes and some women are just bitches. Choosing to have these people in your life you have to understand that they aren’t going to stop being who they are. So you either accept them or you move the fuck on. Life is way too short to waffle with relationships that do nothing to nurture you, respect you, treat you like you matter, your opinion matters. Someone  who can take criticism as well as they give it. If you are expected to look to them to somehow validate you as a person or to be grateful to them for your life , then it may be time to take a bow and walk away.

It’s difficult to do, but as they say time does heal most wounds. Especially when you come to accept the way things really were and are.


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