Healthy – WTF

I broke my promise to myself to never blog at 6;00 in the morning. Really anytime before noon…lol. I fire off everything I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. I hate when I fucking do it.

I know when the impulse comes over me I have to take a step back, Breathe deep or find something to take my attention away from the thoughts racing around in my head.

Shortly after waking, you haven’t installed your filter yet. You always ned up regretting what you say. It might give you some enemies as well.

I was finally able to get a hold of my friend this morning. After texting and calling her, She called me at the store. She`s gone through some of the things I have and is able to reign me in when I start panicking. You’re so desperate not to spiral that it worries you even more.

Then comes the negative self – talk or remembering what others thought of you. I felt worthless, I felt like I deserved every single thing that has ever happened to me,my entire life. To me it makes sense to ask “What is the common denominator in each of the events.” Wow! It was me!

Once you’ve calmed down then you really start to feel like shit. As though this life and all the B.S that it has isn’t worth it. I get so tired sometimes I’ll sleep 10 hours. The frequency will diminish and then rear it’s ugly head worse than before. It’s easy to start hating yourself and picking through each and every one of your flaws.

She pulled me back today so thank  you  girl…lol and that stupid saying “This too shall pass” imprints itself in my mind. And it is true…This too shall pass, it does happen if you give into it.

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