UGH!!!!! F**K…F**K…F**K

Yep it’s one of those days. Why? Because about 3 yrs ago the DH and I were completely wiped out financially. We’d never been in the position where we couldn’t pay some bills. That we had to drain our savings and we purchased nothing for ourselves until earlier this yr. Hell, the only reason I leased a new car was because I ran over a pothole in my old assed van and something flew up and destroyed the trans. It was cheaper to get the lease, so we didn’t really have much of a choice. I lived on my credit cards for about 6 months at one point and with some others things , yeah we’re over our head.

My kids are going to have to take out student loans because whatever money we had saved toward that is in the wind. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!! We don’t make enough to pay for even part of it but we make too much to get financial aid. It’s pretty fucked up and why I have no respect for one uppers and money grabbers.

I want to blame circumstances, lies and a whole host of other stuff but I can’t. There were some things that were way out of my control (to be fair I didn’t know about them until it was too late to save my family from having to struggle financially.) I carry the blame, period. It’s the last bit of pain from that time and I worry about it a lot. Which really pisses me off because then others things are dredged up that were long-buried.

“But, you just bought a bookstore” Some will no doubt opine. I didn’t go through a bank to buy the store. It’s that simple. My once awesome fucking credit is long gone, thanks be that DH’s has survived just fine.

What’s the saying, you gotta spend money to make money.” I hope that is true, I work my ass off not only here but at home, we all do at my house.” I think I’ve cleaned up my karma. I mean you can only apologize to people so many times before you say okay, took care of that.

We’ll still live on the cheap and hopefully be above water sooner rather than later. material things are just things after all. My fondest memories will never be about a giant 4hd television….and in the end maybe I’m not poor at all.

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