P.M.S – Do’s & Don’t s

P.M.S- The scourge, the plague, the Bi-Polar bonanza that has been gifted to women. Those with a penis have no clue about the parallels of a woman who is thrown into complete hormone hell for ten days every freaking month for 50 yrs.

When ever that switch is hit the Big Bitch Hormone and the Sweetest Girlie take over. They fight for control and Yes that’s exactly why we can be screaming at the top of our lungs and crying the next. It’s just that fast.

Now while B.B and S.G are duking it out, we get other specials treats like bloating, acne, headaches, cramps, sore boobies, depression…You know what I mean. Over the past few days(Yes, I’m in the midst of my own special P.M.S Hell) I’m compiling a helpful little list of Do’s and Dont’s

Don’t Drink- When you drink you could be drunk dialing an ex- that can only ever end badly.

Do eat chocolate- Yes large amounts of chocolate release the same hormones as that feeling of falling in love. Yeah you might put on a few pounds but you won’t live with the embarrassment of the drunk dial.

Don’t make any kind of life changing decisions like quitting a job, getting your hair cut off, saying something you can never get back.

Do get a massage- with the P.M.S monkey on your back a massage can kick the bastard off for a while

Don’t get into a fight with someone- If you’re anything like me, fighting with me when I’m in this state is futile. My B.B will take over and use anything at her disposal to wreak havoc on you in every imaginable way. She will shred you with her words. She wants to make you feel as shitty as she does. Of course when she goes back to sleep until next month ,you’re left feeling guilty and stupid and promise to be “better” next time.

Do find something to relax you body, mind and spirit. Long soaks in the tub. Afternoon naps. If you’re so inclined a #420 break can ease the nerves and take the wind out of your sails and chill B.B out.

Don’t listen to songs that remind you of people and places. Sweetest Girl takes over and you suddenly feel so fucking sad. She keeps giving you memory after memory until your blubbering in your car at a stop light and the cute dude in the next car shakes his head. Don’t take it personally. Remember he has a penis and will never understand.

Do- Read a book instead. Trust me, just read a really good thriller or mystery.

Don’t- Be so hard on yourself. If we could wave a magic wand and make it go away we would. But we aren’t built that way. We are built to bring life into this world and to love and take care of and we are emotionally strong even when we think we couldn’t get any lower. We have the empathy to feel what others feel and we don’t pretend otherwise. We stumble and in my case I’ve flung myself off the fucking cliff but I’m still here. We still get back up and dust ourselves off and start all over.

Do- remember just to hang on tight. You haven’t killed anyone yet, there are no broken dishes scattered about, crying feels like shit but clears out some of the over-whelming feelings that are shouting over each other in your head.

Before you know it , it will all be over and you’ll feel like a beautiful, hot Rock star again.

Last but most important of all DO NOT BLOG!! and DO NOT TEXT – Your words will come back to haunt you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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