Winter is coming!

It looks like today will be the last day of 60 degree weather. I really can’t complain because the weather this year has been pretty damn ideal for Michigan. Come Friday we’ll be in the 40’s and a chance of snow by next week. Again I really can’t complain.

Oh I want to…lol. I want to have an entire year where it’s sunny and 70 with no humidity and no frigid winds whipping through the air. Unfortunately that will never be the case unless I make it to California (I really want to move there) Come on Lottery because that is the only way I’ll be able to afford it.

Dropped another 2 lbs and I’d really like to get rid of about 10 more but I’m not going to worry about it.

I will be spending Thanksgiving all by myself. Now before you boo-hoo for me let me say that I’m totally fine with it.  I have zero tolerance for the fake niceties that are displayed around the holidays. The DH and the kids will go to the in-laws. My mom is still in Rehab for her shoulder. I might see if my dad wants to grab a bite to eat but other then that, I’ll have a glorious day off alone. What will I do? Read, write and binge watch some t.v in between cleaning and laundry. It may not sound exciting but since I work every day , I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll get the same treat on Christmas Day as well.

I’ve never really gotten into the “big” family events. Dealing with bratty kids (sometimes my own when they were little) stress over finding the right gifts and all that mess. I’d much rather spend those days doing the things I love and am best at.

I vowed to never “act” a certain way ever again. Unfortunately the holidays are filled with pretending to be happy and having a rocking life. The need to one up or convince others just how damn happy I am are over. Frankly because I really don’t care what other people think they know about me.

Doing what you want and not doing what you don’t gives you an easy kind of freedom because what happens is that you no longer have to worry about what you say, how you say it. You don’t have to plaster a smile on your face when you really don’t want to. You don’t have to pretend to enjoy things even when you’re bored and you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings when it becomes obvious you don’t want to be somewhere. Easy-peasy.

I’m not anti-social by any stretch of the imagination but at my age there are things that I don’t have to do anymore or I should say won’t do anymore. Just because I don’t spend time or go to things doesn’t mean I don’t care. It’s only that I want to spend my holidays the way I want to. It may sound selfish but it’s really not. I’ve found people have a good time whether I’m there or not.

I choose to be around people who make me happy and feel good. Who I can really laugh with and not fake it. I don’t want things to be serious and if something goes wrong it can ruin the day.  I remember when the kids were younger and getting them ready to go to a family event. It was a pain in the ass. Dealing with them and the other little ones in the family. Hoping for no screaming, fighting or crying. Don’t get me wrong I love kids and look forward to becoming a granny (at the right time) but I’m at a point now where mine are almost grown. The house has gotten quieter. The stress level has decreased dramatically. Cleaning the entire house takes less then an hour (that includes mopping) The only thing that has increased is the laundry and I don’t mind doing that.

Yes, Winter is Coming. I’ve managed to make it through this year intact and look forward to more positive changes in the future. I’ve stayed away from writing. Partly because I sit in front of my laptop and stare at the empty pages, which I eventually close because I hate anything that I type.

Time to get out the Stephen King book and re-read it and move forward. Even if everything I write is shit, I can’t just walk away forever.

It’s not in my make-up to walk away from the things I love. I suppose I’ll have to keep starting over until I get it right. I’ve had to give up way too many things that I love in my life and I won’t allow this to be one of them. I’m over letting circumstances rule my head and my heart. This year was spent keeping things on an even keel and not doing anything that will upset the balance of my emotions.

Next year will be all about pushing the envelope and doing things better. Loving better, writing better and not giving in or up when others tell you to. Next year won’t be about how I feel wronged. It will be to make sure I don’t worry about that kind of thing.

We all have a journey to make and I only want mine to have the least amount of pressure attached to it. I want to feel happy so I’ll continue to do the things that make me feel happy and whole.

You don’t get bonus points for sacrificing yourself emotionally and physically. Instead you just end up feeling resentful and like shit.

I’m also going to make sure that I don’t write anything that could be taken personally by someone else. I’ve said it before my feelings are mine and I am allowed to have them. Unfortunately I’ve come across some who have taken it really personally when in fact it had nothing to do with them or anyone else in the first place. So I’m making a concerted effort to watch my choice of words and how I say them.

I take no pleasure in making someone else feel bad nor do I want to. Time heals most wounds and even if they never completely close, you can live a really good life.

I’ve learned to never completely shut the door on anything or anyone. Forgiveness should come easy for most things and there is nothing wrong when remembering the good in people and forgetting the bad because every once in a while things do pay off and the good days totally outweigh the bad ones.

I wish you all a wondrous Holiday Season.

Sierra

 

 

 

 

 

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