My meltdown yesterday left me in a “mood”.  I’ve learned that when you’re trying to heal your life, trying to become something better than our baser selves, there will always be things “left over” to work out.

Instead of letting the feelings simmer until they boil over, I’ve been trying to deal with them as they come. Sort of rip the band-aid off and work it out.

My thoughts after yesterday didn’t lead to where I thought they might. Instead they made me think of people who manipulate other people. Not because they want their own way (hey we’ve all done that.) No, I’m referring to people who manipulate you for the soul purpose of screwing somebody else or you over.

It’s easy to do when the person you’re dealing with is in a vulnerable state.

I have dealt with people like this, but there was a particularly viscous pit bull of a female who tried doing this to me. A woman who has it all but in her need to control every single person in her world , managed to fuck up her own kids, who even as a young teenagers knew exactly what to say and do to get the attention she wanted. I can only imagine that it will continue in the family forever.

It’s so fucking poisonous and I played right into her hands – up to a point before I figured out just what nasty a piece of work she really was.

These people are brave over the phone, and behind a keyboard. They think they are really smarter than the average bear. They will zero in on your pain and twisted the knife they openly hold, trying to maximize your pain.

When I’m reminded of her, I’m now able to put a lot of the shit she said in my mental trash can.

I’m so much better equipped to handle manipulators than I ever could before. I know that while things may look pretty to the outside world it’s often a cover for the twisted bullshit that happens when the doors are closed.

This person could turn on the tears at the drop of a hat, which I find amazing. I hate crying but when i do it , it’s because I’m really sad/hurt not to get a reaction out of someone.

People like this will continue happily , barreling through life and trying to bully, guilt and threaten to ensure they get their way. The only thing that matters is that they stay in control. That they come out on top. They will accept nothing less then having people jump when they tell them too.

It really is a sickness that turns everyone around them either angry or broken or maybe both.

I’m able to look at that time with a much clearer head. Why? Because I realize her issues had little to do with me. Her hatred of others is what fueled her and I happened to be the pathway for her to get exactly what she wanted.

After all of that my personal mantra has become “Go for it.”

By that I mean, you can threaten, bitch, moan or say whatever you think will get me to behave the way you want, but it isn’t going to work. Not now, not ever.

If someone tries to act like some kind of bad ass, you better be prepared to deal with me live and not via phone or emails or texts.

I’ve become a little selfish in the sense that manipulation no longer works on me. Got something to tell-then tell but you damn sure better be ready to possibley hear something you don’t want to know.

I never , ever want to bring someone pain. I don’t get off on it, I don’t need to bring everyone down around me.

The shitty moments in life taught me a couple of things.

I’ve learned the type of person I DON’T want to be.

I’ve learned that life is way too short to be the kind of person who holds onto hate, jealousy and anger.

Your past is not my fault and I’m not going to pay for it nor will I allow people to sway me with a story of woe.

I’ve learned to do what makes me happy and that real love doesn’t involve manipulation. Real love isn’t complicated, full of drama and stupid expectations of how people should behave in order to perpetuate a very shallow existence.

My tolerance for users ended a long time ago. I’ve learned to either accept people for exactly who they are and cut out those I can’t accept.

I’m sure there are many more “things” I will have to learn in the journey of life and the great part about this is that I’m carving out exactly what I want without any games.

When someone tries to work you , it says all you need to know about them.

For me a couple of women who did this a few years ago and who I only spoke with a couple of times showed me that they are the soulless kind of people I now feel sorry for.

I encourage you to have pity for them. I may not win at everything nor have what I want at times but I’m okay with that.

Good things do come to you eventually, it just takes a lot of patience. It may not be what you expect but it will be what you need. If you don’t learn ,you end up having the same kind of life over and over again.

If you embrace what you love, enjoy the unexpected for what it is and don’t place insane limitations on yourself, you will be happier and more satisfied than you ever dreamed possible. If you spend your time trying to force people to bend to your will, you will never knew what it’s like to truly be fulfilled.

Wishing you a Happy Holiday!





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