Is it stress?

Since the middle of December, I’ve dropped 18 pounds. Most people would think that was great. That’s not really the case for me. After my gastric bypass, I became anorexic. I was sick all the time. Fainted on more than one occasion, was lethargic etc…

I did gain some weight back which does eventually happen with these surgeries but finally found a weight I was happy with. Going up and down 5 pounds is pretty normal for people and I don’t get concerned. But when I stepped on the scale this morning, I weighed myself 3 times in different parts of the room because I couldn’t believe what the scale said. 5 lbs in three days.

At this point I figure it has to be stress related. I am in a little bit of a stressful situation right now -Yes, but I’m not feeling it in the traditional sense. I’m not pacing the floors, I’m not going over things in my mind and I’m sleeping. I am eating, though I no longer take any pleasure in food. It’s more of I need to eat to live kind of thing.

I wake up very early, around 5:30 but I feel rested. I’m not going around in a daze or being sluggish. But I am having problems concentrating on any one task for too long. I’m not feeling depressed and I’m not manic. I’m thinking that I might be heading into menopause.

What to do? I’m going to the doc and getting the whole blood panel thing. I’m upping my vitamin intake. I’m going to a cool program called renew and refresh hosted by St. Mary’s Mercy hospital. I haven’t worked out in awhile and I’ve started up again.

There are things I need to do this year. Writing a complete story is number 1 on the list. I’m still having the issue of separating what I know about love in the real world versus what it can be in the pages of a book. I’m still letting my past dictate that part of my writing and I’ll be damned if I know how to get past it. It’s fucked up and at this point waaay past time to move forward.

I’ll keep going and praying that it will all come together at some point. Until then I’ll just keep holding on tight until it gets better.

 

 

MYS

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