Finally! Body Acceptance.

I’ve often talked about my gastric bypass experience. It’s been a long five and a half years,  what it’s done physically and mentally to me. I’ve gotten my health issues under control, there will always be little glitches along the way but I’m much better equipped to handle them.

One of the biggest challenges has been learning to accept my body for what it is and not what I dreamed it would be. When you go from a size 24 down to a size 8 and lose 150 lbs in less then a year, things aren’t what you’d expect them to be.

I thought my life would change for the better. That all the missing pieces would naturally come together. I dreamed my self-esteem would rise to epic proportions and everything I wanted would not only come true but would be more than I ever dreamed.

What really happened – as the weight melted away so did my confidence, my joy and my hopes for the future. For myself, my weight was a buffer from the shit storm of life. I could always blame my weight for why people hurt me, why things didn’t go my way. Suddenly, I couldn’t say that.

In fact my world pretty much imploded and everything I knew, everything I’d thought, was gone. At my lowest point, I believed I was a horrible, ugly and an unlovable person.

I blamed everyone and everything around me. Why wasn’t I loved? Why wasn’t I appreciated? Why wasn’t life getting better by the day?

It’s so easy to get lost in the thoughts swirling around in your head. You look to other people to make your life whole. Looking to others was a mistake that’s taken me a few years to come to grips with and the lessons learned.

You can’t latch onto others to feel worthy, beautiful, kind, and secure. It’s a deeply personal process that every single person should learn. Those feelings have to come from within. Trying to prove to other people those things about you, never satisfies you. You have to believe those things about yourself.

Once you do, once you except yourself and no longer make apologies or validation from anyone else, do you truly live and love. Because you’re no longer looking outward for approval of the way you look, the way you feel and your importance in this world.

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. Trust me if you don’t take care of you, it usually ends up in disaster.

There will be days when I question myself. But where my appearance is concerned, I’ve learned to wave the big middle finger at anyone who has an issue. I’m almost 48, I’ve had children and surgeries. I have scars and stretch marks but those things don’t define me. They aren’t who I am. They are merely the remnants of what I’ve been through in life. They are part of learning to get better and be better.

In accepting my body, my appearance, I don’t live for what anyone else thinks. I don’t apologize for what I feel. My physical flaws are no longer flaws in my mind.  They are lessons that I’ve learned through out my life.

Loving yourself in your own skin is what makes you beautiful. It doesn’t matter what size jeans you wear. Beauty is beauty and there is no standard when it comes to that. I’ve known those with perfect bodies who possess a heart of stone and I’ve known others who don’t, who are the most gorgeous creatures on earth. If people don’t want to be seen in public with you, drop them and fast. If they cut you down and make you feel less than a woman shut the door.

It may feel like the end of the world but feeling good about who you are, just as you are with no conditions brings such sweet, sweet freedom. There will always be moments when you doubt the way you look. During these times, feel the feelings and then realize that it was just a moment, a blip on the screen, put it behind you and know that you are indeed beautiful, you do count, you are important and fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

 

 

 

 

MYS

 

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