Older and Wiser????

My birthday will arrive in 3 days. This birthday is a special one for me. I’ve settled in to the store. I’m in good health and I pretty much enjoy life everyday.

I’m lucky. Not in what I have in life but how I feel about my life. Don’t get me wrong there are still days when something happens and I shake my head and say WTF?

Thankfully those days are much less often then they have been in the last 10 yrs of my life.

I live by some pretty simple things. I’ve said them before but it never hurts to repeat them, if only for my satisfaction.

1.I’m doing what I love.

The store has been a life saver and I’m happy to be able to go into that building almost daily. It doesn’t feel like work. I’m in a place that is my happy zone. Right in the middle of books . Each day if a gift when I get to go in.

I grow bored pretty fast but on most days that boredom is kept at bay as long as I keep busy.

2. I do what makes me happy. It’s a rare thing when I allow myself to do anything I don’t want to do. PERIOD! Yeah I may do things that aren’t in my top ten favorite BUT I refuse to do anything that I really don’t want to. It’s caused issues with family and friends but at this point in my life I don’t give a damn. My health and satisfaction in life are up to me. As such, I don’t like to waste my time. So I do say no – a lot.

If I don’t want to go to an event – I don’t. It’s pretty simple especially when F&F understood I mean it. It’s not personal, it’s just a way to ensure I’m not going to get bent out of shape over things.

3. I don’t put my happiness in the hands of others. It’s not fair to me or them. If I’m responsible for my own feelings  then I can;t blame the nearest person to me.

4.The above goes hand in hand with the notion that you can’t control another person. No One really can in the broad sense. It takes a lot of practice to allow other people to do what they do whether you agree or not. In the end we only have to answer for how we behave, how we think and the words we speak.

5.I no longer apologize, rue, or obsess over the past. This is not them, it’s now.I can’t take back word and deeds I’ve been a part of. I start each day a new.Each decision I make is one that I know I can live with.  Denying universal truths never got me anywhere and only led me to feel really shitty about myself and who I was.

My writing is getting a little better with every passing time. My hope is that every time I  find a tiny amount of inspiration I come across and use it to write as much as I can.

At this point ans with every following birthday, I understand I have more years behind then I do ahead of me and I don’t intend to waste any of them my not living the rest of my life the way that makes me content.

I don’t ever want to wake up in ten or twenty yrs and think that I’ve wasted a lot of time waiting for my world to get better. Nothing ever happens by waiting for another day. With that in mind I try and make sure that any and everything I do is something I can live with.

My mom will be getting shoulder surgery in m birthday. I’ll work in the morning and go see her when I’m off.

I’m grateful and thankful that I am where I should be today, in this moment and learning to clear your mind, following doctors orders and trying to think in a better way as given me hope that the latter part of my life won’t be filled with the regret but instead will br filled with love, kindness and compassion.


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