Onward and upward

Next Monday, I officially take over the bookstore that I’m buying. A new chapter in my life and I couldn’t be more excited. Before I was a writer, I was a book lover. The opportunity to run my own business was too good to pass up.

Yes, I realize that I’ll be working a lot, and have to make sacrifices with my time but this is one of those moments in life where you either go for it or you live with the regret of what might have been.

I thought I would be trapped in the dark spiral of the last few years. Relegated to fighting back memories and shame.

But time and distance have been my friend and propelled me into a new direction I never thought I’d be able to travel.

I’m ready for the second half of my life. It will be hard, it may be frustrating but I’m ready for the challenge.

I’ve gotten back to me, who I was so long ago. The laughter, the love and a new way of looking at the world around me has allowed me to relegate the negativity to a dark corner in my mind, hopefully locked away forever.

Everything I’ve experienced has brought me to this pivotal point in my life. I go forward knowing some universal truths, I’ve always read about but never experienced.

I know that looking to someone else for validation, to tell me I’m a good person and worthy never works out for long. It has to come from within and you have to really believe in yourself. Losing yourself in people and things never solves the issues that are in you. It’s a great distraction from dealing with those things inside of you that you don’t like but until you’ve learned to love yourself, believe in yourself and trust in yourself, life will never change.

I never dreamed I’d be in this place. A place where I embrace who I am. Where I don’t lash out at those who might hurt my feelings. I’ve come to take people as they are and if I can’t accept who they are then I don’t have them in my life.

There is an amazing kind of freedom in discovering what you’re worth. In taking care of yourself and finding my passions in life. I no longer live for other people but for myself. It’s opened me up to give more love and friendship without my ego expecting anything in return. And it’s amazing!

Will there be tough days? Of course, no one escapes the hard times but it’s how I choose to handle such things that is making the difference. This journey is about me. I no longer feel selfish for wanting things for myself. Not material things but people and places and experiences that I really love.

I thrive when challenged and buying the bookstore couldn’t have come at a better time.

My DH was considering moving us to North Carolina this year for work. He was going to transfer to a new facility, with moving expenses and more money to go along with it.

The truth is, I never wanted to pick up and move like that. Leave behind everything and everyone I knew. My friends, my family and possibly my oldest son. The idea of being separated from my first-born was more than I could take and I knew that I would have to refuse to move to a strange place where I didn’t know anyone. Being several states away from my child was unacceptable and frankly more money just isn’t worth being away from those I hold most dear.

There will be challenges ahead and certainly not perfect. No life ever is. I no longer strive to have the “ideal” kind of existence but live for what makes me happy. I don’t put my expectations on another person. Because when people do that they always end up disappointed. No one can ever live up to what you think they should be and its unfair to expect them to.

I refuse to fall into old patterns of waiting for the other shoe to drop or expecting the worst in a situation.

Learning patience and letting people be exactly who they are has been the hardest lesson of all.

Is it the yoga, the meditation, the exercise, I’m not sure and I don’t want to waste my time analyzing it. I’m only in control of me and as such can only look to myself for what makes me happy.

I’m thankful that 2015 is unfolding the way it is. There have been challenges but I’m learning to navigate my way through. And I look forward to many more years of happiness and contentment in my life and hope to bring a little joy and love to those around me. The world is a very lonely place when you cut yourself off from everything. I did it for a long time, but not anymore.

I embrace each day as a beginning and take pleasure in the small things it has to offer. I hope all of you can find your true path. Take comfort in close friends and family. Believe in yourself. Never settle. Never make life changing decisions in desperation for love and approval. Realize that you are unique and special and have a place in this world. Lay down the bricks that hold you in place and really understand that bad moments will pass.

Sierra

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A Taste of Haven

    

ONLY   .99 cents

   A Taste of Haven By Sierra Summers

Over 40+ 4 & 5 Star Reviews

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http://www.amazon.com/Taste-Haven-Paranormal-Romance-Shifters-ebook/dp/B00A3KZLCE/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

Blurb-

Haven Smith is a shifter who has never shifted. She spends her evenings protecting women and children from the men who would hurt them. She likes her solitary life just fine, until one night she meets a man who changes her world forever. Adam is determined to take Haven to meet the family she doesn’t remember and show her that she deserves love—his love.
Excerpt:
“Do you always ask strangers to walk you home?” His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. If she wasn’t a little tipsy she might have sworn she saw concern burning in his steely gaze. This was preposterous. This man didn’t know her at all, but she liked the look of him. She liked the way he looked at her even better. He’d come to her defense last night yet hadn’t taken advantage of that fact. Hell, he hadn’t even admitted he was there. Truthfully, everything about him was a total turn on, from the top of his light brown hair to the bottom of his shoes.

No one besides Harry and Fatima ever looked after her. She’d forbade Fatima to worry about her and since her friend knew what she was, it was easy enough for her to be more concerned with the females Haven brought into the shelter.

Leaning her chin on her hand, she reached out, touching the soft cotton of his shirt. “Actually I don’t. I guess you’re just lucky this evening.” He didn’t respond to her touch, nor was he smiling anymore. “Hey, forget it.” Haven hopped off the stool. “If you’re not interested I can deal with it.”

She beat it out of the bar, her face burning. What the hell was I thinking? The truth was, she’d never propositioned a man before and apparently she sucked at it. She headed out the door but didn’t make it two feet before she was caught from behind. She automatically swung her arm up, trying to break contact, but the grip on her remained firm.

Swinging her head around Haven sucked in a breath as she came face to face with Adam. He slowly backed her into a light post. “I never gave you an answer. You can’t make that kind of offer to a man and then disappear into the night.”

Haven was momentarily knocked off kilter; she’d been unable to break his hold on her. Her mind was telling her to take a step back but her body was not listening to anything other than the erratic beat of her heart.

Adam’s thumb rose and stroked her chin, a small gesture that made her practically pant. Her hands curled around his biceps, squeezing hard. His muscles were rock hard and felt impenetrable. She gave an involuntary shiver when his thumb crossed her bottom lip in a feather-light caress.

“Your eyes are incredible.” She totally was out of her element. The deep timbre of his voice slid down her body and made her shiver. Her wolf was whining inside her. It wanted to bed this man in the worst kind of way and was losing patience.

He moved in closer and she met him halfway. His head lowered as he gave her the barest kiss along her lips. In that instant the dam broke and Haven buried her hand in his hair. His mouth came back down and crushed hers. She actually whined when his silky strands tickled her fingers. She gripped his hair tight in her fingers. It was as soft as she’d imagined and felt so good sliding through her hands.

His hands came around to cup her behind; his fingers dug deeply in her rounded ass. His tongue breathed new life into her. It was slick and moist and drew noises from her she’d never known she possessed.

Suddenly he yanked her up by her arms. “Wrap your legs around me and tell me where the hell your place is.”

Haven held onto his shoulders and jumped up, her steel-toed boots locked behind his back. “One block south, first building on the right.” His lips never left hers as he walked quickly to where she’d directed. His strength bled through her, and he was strong. Haven wasn’t a lightweight by any stretch of the imagination but Adam carried her as though she weighed no more than a feather.

“Christ I never would have guessed you tasted this good.” He whispered

Is there such a thing as too much angst?

pain  How much pain is too much? Do you search out books from authors that you know write characters who have dark, painful pasts? Or do you avoid them like the plague?

Authors, is it difficult for you to put your protagonists through hell and back again?

There are some writers who thrive writing these kind of characters. They enjoy digging in deep to the bones and stripping someone bare. Exposing every thing, shame, humiliation, pain, abuse, anger. Everything a person can go through. Everything they can feel.

I’ve written a few pretty intense books, usually with my writing partner VJ Summers and let me tell you by the end I’m emotionally drained. You feel as though you’ve lived a small part of what your characters have and for me it’s an exhausting journey.

I enjoy stories that are on the dark side, but I find that I do have a point that I just can’t cross. Not because the books aren’t well written. Not because the stories are great, but because with my imagination the story will stick with me. I will think about it and it will haunt me.

Millions have read VC Andrews. I did the Flowers in the Attic series and then I read Heaven. After that I had to stop.  Not because the stories didn’t entertain me. I just couldn’t deal with the suffering her characters had to go through. I wanted to reach into the books and shout “Run…and don’t look back.”

If I wrote nothing but stories like that I’m pretty sure my DH would have to pull me off the ceiling. My heart just couldn’t take it. I mean I once read a book from a well-known author (I’m not sure if he’s considered thriller or horror) but  after I invested my time reading the book (it was so good I read it in two days) he killed the hero at the end. I threw the book across the room as hard as I could and I’ve never read anything by this person again. Which is a shame because he’s a very talented man but I was so upset by what I considered an unnecessary death of the hero (he’d gone through so much) that to this day (I read the book over 20 yrs ago) I still haven’t forgiven him.

I’ve had the same reaction to a movie on a couple of occasions. I was watching a movie ( I can’ t remember the title) with my friend Amy and the freaking hero who was trying to find out who was responsible for killing a man in a ritual in the end gets killed in the same fucking ritual. So here we are knowing that all through the movie he’s going in at the last-minute to save a woman he thinks is being abused and sacrificed only to find out that she’s in on it the whole fucking time. O.M.G- yeah if it had been my movie it would have been in pieces on the floor but it belonged to Blockbuster so instead we both kind of paced around the room, yelling and bitching about it.

Now though, I’ve lived long enough to know what my limits are. I know how far I can go when I write until I say okay that’s enough. I’m lucky in that I have a writing partner who is very apt when it come to the harder emotional stuff. She helps lead the way for me.

My question to the readers is- How much angst do you like in your books?

Authors- How difficult is it for you to write a character who is really damaged?