Redwing’s new stadium, new opportunity!

In 2017, one of the greatest things happening in downtown Detroit will be the new Red Wings Hockey Arena. 650 million dollars. What do we get for it. 8300 new construction jobs and about 1 billion dollars pumped into the economy. This massive complex will have more than just the arena, there will be lofts, hotel, more apartments, shopping and a whole host of other things that will boost the city’s image. I love downtown Detroit and this project will only make it that much more fun to go to.

Too many people outside of Michigan confuse downtown Detroit proper with the surrounding neighborhoods. Making the dumb-ass assumption that the crime in the neighborhoods happens downtown. Nothing could be further from the truth. Downtown is beautiful, vibrant and clean. There is more shopping, more restaurants and bars than ever before.

I love a big city. The life teeming within it’s boundaries. When someone I knew went to New York, they talked about how awesome it was. They said the city itself was alive and that you could feel it. We are experiencing the same thing here in Detroit.

The newest story I’m working on takes place in the city. It’s given me a chance to really explore all there is. From the river walk where you can see the lights of Windsor, Canada at night to Eastern Market where you can get fresh produce and specialty foods.

I’ve been to games at Comerica Park (The Tiger’s Stadium) and Ford Field (The Lion’s Stadium) and they are awesome facilities. The Red Wings Complex is supposed to blow them away.

A few years ago, everyone thought this state, this area specifically was plunging into nothing. College graduates fled the state looking for jobs elsewhere and are now coming back. It’s such a hopeful sign. Home prices are slowly on the rise especially in my county. All positive and good news.

The next thing would be if The Pistons came back downtown. Right now they play in Auburn Hills but the majority of people think they should come back home to the city. The only thing left is a large outdoor music venue like the one in Clarkston. DTE has been around forever and is a great place to see a show but there are a growing number of people who’d love to see something like that either in the city or closer to the city.

There are all kinds of 5k’s that my friends and I are going to try to enter this year and a lot of them take place in Detroit, at the Zoo, etc…

There is nothing better than summer here and the sun has been generous to us so far this month. We’ll be in the 70’s by weeks end. This year has proven so far to be a wonderful and exciting start to 2015 and I’m looking forward to all the good things that are taking place.

Now if only I could get my 3 teens to cooperate…lol. I look forward to the day the boys actually get along. Trust me, those of you with boys know how much fighting they can get into. unfortunately they don’t fight with just words but the end is in sight. Luckily my twins who are going to be 15 in two months consist of a boy and a girl, because my daughter is the peace make with the boys. I often wish I would have had a 4th baby. Even numbered kids are supposed to be a lot easier to raise. But its expensive to raise them so I stopped at 3.

This is the first summer I’ve looked forward to in a long time and I’m going to enjoy every second of it.

 

Music Mondays is back!

  With all the bullshit running around in my head, music never fails to lighten the mood.  I really, really hate these next couple of months. The weather here has been great and business is going well. My edits are almost finished, so for the most part its been a good month for me. But as with all things, the good is always balanced out with some bad. Trust has become a thing of the past. Part of me is bummed out about it but that’s the way things so sometimes. I’m learning to make peace with it. When I get overwhelmed nothing is better than some hard-hitting music. My new go to band is Halestorm. So here’s a little sample:

Tested again…and I passed!!!

Since I’ve been committed to focusing on all the good things that have happened in my life instead of everything that has gone wrong, has proved to be the best mood booster I’ve ever had.

I’ve been tested, more than once this year. What’s working for me is that I feel the bad feelings, imagine the absolute worst until it passes. I don’t obsess over them anymore.

It’s not quite as easy as it sounds. There’s always a chance that I could be pulled under by B.S. I am nervous about the possibility of falling into the “Victim” mode I use to. When you fall into a serious depression it’s very easy to not see the good in life and only the bad. Depression can strangle you, squeezing out who you really are and setting up residence not only in your head but in your heart. It’s devious and consumes every single part of you. You find yourself doing things so out of character that people around you begin to believe this is truly who you are.

Unless you’ve experienced the devastation of your mind fucking you over, you can’t understand. Those people will never have compassion because they don’t get it. The mind is a powerful and complex thing and some don’t get it that when your brain can’t regulate your serotonin levels it can drive you into some pretty fucking dark places.

They think “You need to get over it.” or “It’s not that big a deal.” and a whole host of other stupid things they can think to say. Why? because they are usually in denial of their own issues or won’t acknowledge it. Sweeping it under the rug is easier than confronting your own truth. Analyzing yourself and why you do what you do is difficult for even the most mentally healthy person.

People often see any type of weakness as a character flaw instead of someone who has lost themselves in a land where there is no light, no way out and accept things for what they are. But their issues always manifest themselves in one way or another. Repeating the patterns they know because of fear of the unknown.

The old saying fake it til you make it can work in certain circumstances. But it’s hard to do. I certainly was never able to do that. My anger used to be hair-trigger happy and after feeling sorry for myself, I would lash out in the most spectacular way. Now when I think about them, I cringe that I’ve been so mean and vengeful in the past, generally followed by feeling sorry for myself and riding the pity train.

Getting off that ride has taken me years but I’ve finally been able to walk away from that station. I am scared it will come back and I’ll hop on board for another bout of poor me, I hate you and all that goes along with it.

At this point, I’ve learned that most things aren’t worth the fight. People, places, hurtful words, lies whatever. They aren’t worth the fight. Not because of them but because of what it used to do to me. Being a hateful creature only turns you into a more hateful creature and who the hell wants to live like that.

I like laughing and really enjoy each day so much better. I think between my kids being in high school and not needing me every minute of the day has helped. Dropping 30 pounds has helped. Working out has helped. Being independent and being happy with myself has helped. I don’t lose myself in T.V, in fact I’ve really don’t watch much anymore. Doing things that I want to do. Trying really hard to be the kind of woman I want to be. There was always glimmers over the years, when I was at my best. When I loved fiercely and with abandon. When I didn’t try to conform to what others thought I should be. When I was, who I’ve always wanted to be.

Time and circumstances have changed but I’m at a point in my life where I don’t feel the pressure the way I used to. I don’t allow bad feelings to sit in my belly and boil over and I turn into a crazy bitch out to hurt as many people as I can.

Last year I felt like the worst person in the world. I let a stranger cut me until I bled (emotionally) and gave them the power to hurt me as deep as you can be. A stranger-someone I never met nor will ever meet. Someone who thought they knew everything but I’ve come to realize knows nothing.

I won’t give anyone the power to tell me who I am, what my past or future is, and whether I’m a good person or not.

We all fuck up. We all do things that are out of character of who we really are. We are all capable of becoming monsters who want to cause the most destruction we can to each other. No one is immune. But the question to ask is how do you feel when you go to bed at night? Do you toss and turn, find it hard to sleep because your mind won’t turn off? Do you think about the past and all the shitty things that have happened or regret your decisions?

Unless you’re a psychopath, we’ve all experienced this. The question then remains, is this how you want to live your life?

My answer is NO. As such when I’ve been tested this year by things I hadn’t expected or memories that used to burn, I’ve learned a few things. Letting the feelings pass through me. Not responding to those feelings in a negative way. No longer expecting people to think, feel or behave the way I want them to.

Sometimes it’s hard not hating people, not being jealous, not wanting what others have. I always thought it was either all or nothing with the things and experiences in my life and as such pushed people away, turned into someone who I didn’t even like. I’d become the very thing I despised in other people. Even writing this now I get a little knot in my stomach and I do wish I could take back some of the things I’ve done. Some of the venom I spewed. Some of the angry things I’ve written and actions I’ve taken.

I can’t and all the pretty words in the world won’t change that. What has changed is that I’m trying to make sure I don’t act the way others have come to expect from me and even if I have a bad day or a weak moment, I don’t let it consume me. Eat away at what I’ve become. To give in permanently to my old patterns. To always remember my strengths, my passion, the things that make me smile and the things that make me believe love is real and all the good people are capable of.

Most of all, I keep in mind that my experiences are mine and no one can take away the good, no matter how hard they may try by their deeds or words.

My days as the “victim” are in the past and I never intend to find myself going there again. I’m happy, I’m healthy and I believe in the good again.

I hope all who read this can experience this in and won’t ever settle for anything less or do anything you don’t want to do because another person demands it from you or else. If they really love you, respect you, want you for you and not as some trained dog, they won’t do it. Love yourself enough to do what makes you happy. Because if you aren’t happy with you , you’ll never be happy no matter where you are, or what you do.

Much love and happiness,

Sierra

5 Days

Today started a 5 day stretch for me at my store. I’m working all by my lonesome from opening to close until Tuesday afternoon when I have to get some oral surgery. Then I take a day off to recuperate and BAM, I’m back to working everyday from open to close except for Tues and Wed.

“Aren’t you tired?” I hear. “Of course who wouldn’t be but it’s so worth it.”

“But what do you do all day? Don’t you get bored?”  Sometimes there are a few lulls during the day but I use that time to think about new plots, hot sex scenes I need to write and finishing up the last round of edits for Egyptian Need. This is especially a happy time for me because for a time I DREADED writing sex scenes. But that has finally passed and It’s been a blast, seeing just how inventive I can be and trust me if you know what you’re doing in that area these come back easily. So I’m here until 6 today, tomorrow and Sat. Then 12-4 on Sunday and Monday….I’m sure I won’t get bored- wink…wink…and plan to keep busy busy, perfecting the craft of writing such hot bedroom scenes that they scorch the pages. Well, I only say bedroom because going through and naming all the other places that are even better than a bedroom would take entirely too long……LOL….

I hope you all have a wonderful sexy kind of day…..I know I will…..

Only in the Mid-West

Living in the mid-west and especially Michigan, we know to expect the unexpected when it comes to the seasons. This week we’ve have spring, summer, fall and today a little reminder of winter in the form of flurries falling from the sky this morning. Right now I’m cold and would like nothing better than to crawl under the covers with my sweetie.

Alas, I’m at the book store, taking a little break before I get back to moving things the way I want them. What started out as a shitty week has turned into such a good one and we’re only half way done. Turning the page on somethings, ending other things and I’m really good with it all. I got through the worst day, as I said I would and indeed did wake up the next morning and start a new. It’s something I haven’t been able to do in the past but this time it was easier. Hopefully this time next year it won’t be anything more than a little pang.

Despite the cold temps today, I’m feeling especially lucky with my life right now and grateful. Grateful for what I’ve been given, for the opportunity to own my own business doing something I love. Grateful for the love and support of my friends and family.

It’s been so nice focusing on all the good in my life. Allowing myself to be happy without questioning everything. It’s still difficult for me to let go of bad feelings and I may never reach that point but I’m trying. Finding joy, real happiness is a gift and one I don’t plan on squandering. Not this time.

I hope all who read this have or find the kind of happiness and freedom I’ve been lucky enough to find. I don’t take any day for granted and try to live each one to the fullest. Time moves swiftly and I’m in good health. No physical ailments that plague me everyday, no restrictions on what I can do. No place I won’t go to…ever.

There is nothing better then doing what you love. It’s been said that if you love your job you never work a day in your life. I’d always assumed whoever came up with that saying was high but now I get it.

I once knew someone who’s spouse was pissed that this person wasn’t making “enough” money despite the fact that they loved what they did and was very talented. There it is again, that evil word MONEY…

Mo’ money, Mo’ problems and that is definitely true. The pressure we place upon ourselves to “acquire” stuff and really in the end isn’t it all just stuff. For me it’s soo much better to have fewer things but absolutely LOVE what I do. It makes “stuff” so unimportant and you realize your ridiculous, gigantic,  smart T.V or the new car you lease every year just isn’t worth the price of doing something that doesn’t make you happy.

Find what you love to do and don’t let any one tell you that you can’t or that you need to do something better. It’s way too easy to get stuck and to the point where all you think about is that you aren’t doing what makes you happy.

 

Funeral for a Friend.

Yesterday, I received the news that a woman I have known since Junior High had passed in her sleep. We hadn’t re-connected until her twin daughters became friends with my twins in their middle school and also discovered that our oldest boys were also friends.

She had diabetes and had struggled with the disease for far too many yrs. She lost her legs and was on kidney dialysis far too long. I guess her body just couldn’t do it anymore and now she’s at peace.

The thought should give me comfort but it doesn’t. My thoughts are with her children, whose father abandoned them. With the 2 oldest ones being 18 and 20, I imagine the two youngest (who are the friends of my 2 youngest) will hopefully be able to stay with their siblings.

They are such wonderful kids. Good kids, who appreciate every little thing they have. They were very poor as my friend couldn’t work. Our alumni got together and gave them  Christmas when she fell on even harder times. Many people donating gift cards, food and money to get them through and allow the kids to enjoy themselves without having to worry about mom.

She loved her children more than anything and always felt guilty she wasn’t able to provide for them in the way she thought they deserved. Her kids are sweet and polite and just really good human beings.  Raising good people in the world today is hard, but they are proof that even if you have nothing, you can make a bigger impact on others who have more than enough, maybe even more than they deserve.

She was always positive, even when it seemed impossible to be that way. She serves as a reminder to me that love, hope, and kindness have a more and lasting impact than any amount of money can have. She filled her tiny duplex with enough love and memories to last a lifetime and she did it with grace. She could have been a bitter, angry woman but that wasn’t her. She didn’t boast, didn’t bitch, didn’t hide or any of the other things that we as people do in order to appear better off then we are.

I know that a lot of the alumni from our schools will embrace her children and offer help in any way that they can.

Today the sky is blue, the birds are singing and life continues to move on, but the world is a tiny bit darker without her in it.

Her life is to be celebrated and she will live on in those she touched.

Rest in Peace Beth, your memory will live on in all of us.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGH! The word uttered by Charlie Brown whenever something sucky happens. For me today is one of those fucking days. It was a great day in the past but had I known then what I know now, I would have savored it just a little bit more. So, instead this is a bitter day for me. And it shouldn’t be. What it should be is one of those memories that I keep locked away and smile about.

Lucky me the worst day of my life gets to make an appearance the last week in May. Unexpected, unexplainable ( at the time) and fucking impossible to let go of. I hate every single second of it. Yeah! I’m whining about it because it shouldn’t make me feel this way. I just want to put it in the past where it belongs.

And then a lovely day in June that sealed my fate and told me everything I didn’t want to believe about people and how cold, hard, selfish and callous they could be. These events catapulted me into the darkest time of my life. Gave fuel to the one who caused such pain in my life. And turned me into something unrecognizable. It’s not that I didn’t help matters along. Oh I certainly did with all the pathetic, desperation and worse still the same lines you here other people say and swear you’d never say to another human being.

But I got as good as I gave. It was pretty impressive now that I look upon it. It showed me that what I thought of someone was merely nothing but smoke and mirrors. Maybe that’s why I’m so bummed out today. I put my whole trust in because they said I could, without a doubt and I come to find out they were a COMPLETELY different person.

This day will pass without me telling them one more time that I can’t believe all the lies and they weren’t little ones either. It will pass without any response, and I imagine without a second thought. There will be no heart-felt, I’m sorry s. I did this for a reason. Or all the other things I want to hear or see written.

I go to sleep sad and get up tomorrow and start over. I know I’ll go through this again at the end of next month and again in June but then I should be done for the year.

I’m happy though. I’ve gotten back what I thought was lost. I love my life and the direction I’m going. I also know they’ve missed out on some of the most exciting times to be had. I’ve become a better person, in spite of everything and for that I’m grateful.

A day in hell!!!

 Even as I wrote the headline. I was sure I was going to write about something that happened yesterday that devastated me and destroyed a close friendship that I’d had for over 10 yrs.

I’ve decided against it. Why? Because I’ve been through betrayal a couple of times in my life and I’ve learned how I don’t want to behave. So instead of bitching and moaning about the bad news I received, I’m instead focusing on the good things.

I had my first book club meeting at the store. We had 3 new members come as well as some regulars and it was a blast. Business was good and it was fun to be around women who loved the book I’d chosen.

I suggested a book for next month and collectively we decided to give it a go. It’s a different genre than we usually read and I’m excited about it. I want to focus on all books we enjoy in common and see if this works out.

I’m also giving away a basket full of goodies and giving tickets to customers for every $10.00 they spend. It’s my way of building bridges with old customers and enticing the new ones that come to the store every day.

Sunday, April 26th we are having a customer appreciation day that will offer some great buys for those who come.

With the gorgeous weather we’ve been having and the perpetual sunshine we are experiencing, it makes no sense to focus on the negative. With every sunrise it’s getting easier to put the less than stellar things that have gone on before away. Will life be perfect – NO – but if you strive for perfection, an ideal that will never happen, you will live from a perspective of disappointment after disappointment.

There’s something poetic and beautiful about living an imperfect life. A freedom for the heart and soul. To look forward to every morning and all its possibilities is a real gift. TO not worry about how you’re perceived but real acceptance of who you are, flaws and all.

Throughout life we all make the mistake of living to please others and in the process lose the best of who we are. It drives people and opportunities away.

Bask in your imperfections for they are what makes you special. Wrap them around you like a warm blanket and feel happy and content in everything that has made you who you are.  Feel the freedom of your soul.

For me, adopting this attitude has made such a difference in how I feel, how I think, and how I treat others. No life is full of rainbows and unicorns, flowers and diamonds. It’s crazy, messy but so damn exciting. Embrace your weird, and stop trying to live the way you think you should but how you want to live. Be real- be you and to hell with anyone who can’t accept it.

Savana

Another beautiful day. I know I say that a lot but I’m trying to be very appreciative concerning our weather. After the long winter we had, it’s fun to see the sun and feel the warmth.

Today, I’m thinking about my little girl. Oh she’s not so little and will be 15 in a couple of months. My house is over run by males. She has a twin brother, an older brother. Our two dogs and a guinea pig are also male.

Amid all of this, I am thankful for my baby girl. I love all my boys, human and animal but girls offer something so much different. She’s a gentle soul. Rarely has a bad thing to say about anyone. Is a champion of the less fortunate. Has more compassion than anyone I’ve ever known. She keeps her feelings to herself and only opens up when she is ready. She has her dad wrapped around her finger. Something I think usually always happens with Fathers and their daughters. They are the protectors and one thing I can say about my DH is that he fiercely protects his family from any outside b.s.

I used to be a little jealous of their closeness but now I’m happy it’s there. She’s had a wonderful influence on him.

She’s smart,independent, and definitely not a follower. Her laughter is the sweetest sound in the world. Her tears rip my heart out. she is the best of me and her father and has touched the lives of her friends and family in such a positive way.

I would lay down my life for that girl and I would do whatever is necessary to keep her from getting hurt.

I love you Sissy….

Mom

p.s- This song is for you and all the daughters in the world.

 

Sometimes it’s just one of those days.

8-10 hour work days, seven days a week does funny things to a person. I’m not complaining because I love being my own boss. Even though I’m sacrificing time with my kids, they’ve been good about it. They understand that mom is doing something important and trying to make the future better for all of us.

I know what’s happening is a combination of being tired and P.M.S. Yep the mother of all combinations that used to turn me into a raging bitch. I’ve been much better where the latter is concerned. Then comes a day like today and all I want to do is talk to my friend. A person who I no longer call friend but every once in a while on days like today, I want nothing more than to hear their voice. Have a conversation full of laughter and support. It’s odd when people are not in your life, what you actually miss about them. I know what I do and sometimes fighting off any languishing feelings of regret is just tiring.

Moving onward and upward is a part of life. You know when one door closes another one opens and that is so true where my life has gone so far this year. I don’t want to be at war with myself over what I think and feel. The answer for me is not to pretend.

So, I’m just saying it. I miss my friend. The friend I had before the implosion of the friendship. Before the bad words, bad deeds, before the anger, disgust, and all the other things people can’t take back. All the things people can do to each other to hurt the other. To become the very thing you aren’t. In the end, it is what it is and like the day before, I will wake up and start over again, and hopefully won’t have the desire to hear their laughter once more.